The Old Password/Username Dilemna

I haven't posted anything here for a coon's age. It was many many moons ago that I last graced this blog. Why am I back now? I am not sure. For fun.

I was entertaining the notion of deleting this blog, but I haven't yet made a firm decision on that yet. Instead I will write a bit more just for fun. I think after the effort it took to try and get to this blog again warrants that I write for a bit longer before it disappears into the cyber-blackhole. I had a heck of a time trying to remember my username and my password to get into this blog. I went through the ol' trusty names and words that are old hat to me but alas, they did me no service. It was quite frustrating, but after many attempts here I am victorious and triumphant!!

So...here I am over a year later and that's pretty much all there is to it. Life has gone on and I am NOT going to try to write it all in a nutshell because it would be one heck of a nutshell and I think I would go crazy trying to write it all down. Instead, I will just say that life is good. I am almost finished my school year (B.Ed, 1st year), I am going to study french, I live in a big house with lots of friends (community living), I am myself again and I can't wait for summer. Oh and I am a rock climber not too; still a hack on the rocks, but I can hold my own.

I am looking forward to: going to my parents in the summer and hanging out at the beach; wearing summer clothes and getting a tan; driving around with my sunroof open and listening to loud music and singing along (and seat dancing); maybe playing soccer again and getting my lazy ass back in shape; reading some good books by myself and maybe with friends in the park; learning how to play the guitar (learning how to be disciplined enough to practice so I will actually progress); discovering what God has to say to me about my life, life in general and himself. Of course I am looking forward to many more things, but that's a start.

Okay bye.

My Mom...and other things

I just dropped my mom off this morning at the airport to fly back to the Westcoast after a 5 day visit. It's funny how when we spend so much time together we get a bit tetchy, but the second she'd gone through the doors into security at the airport, tears sprung into my eyes and I didn't want to let her go. I love my mom so much. It makes me so sad to know how unhealthy her heart and her lungs are. The air here in Calgary is so dry and it was pretty chilly when she first arrived and trying to breath she had tears in her eyes and I was scared that I would have to take her to the hospital. I am so thankful that for the 5 days that she was here the weather was uncharacteristically warm, otherwise it would have been quite difficult for her to be here.

I am quite disappointed with myself as I look back on the 5 days my mom was here. I cherish my mom, but I am not sure that she would know it by how I behaved. When my mom was slow (she needs to walk slowly as not to tax her heart and lungs or breathing becomes difficult), I would be annoyed. When she coughed or needed to smoke (she's quitting and is smoking 1/3 of what she used to. It's very hard, she began smoking when she was 13 and nicotine is more addictive than cocaine, don't judge her), I was short and abrupt and sometimes downright rude. I think this has been my coping method for years and years. My worst nightmare has been that my mom would die young due to smoking and all the complications it brings, and then when I needed her most she wouldn't be here to love me and to be loved. Who would help me get ready for my wedding (someday), and tell me all the little things I need to know about being a mom?? It scares the shit out of me to think that she might not be around for my whole life. So when I get all annoyed at her habit that has stolen so much LIFE from her is pisses me off more than I can express and it hides all the fear. If I didn't get annoyed and angry, I would cry all the time and be filled with worry. BUT...the thing is...my annoyance and anger is with the HABIT not her, but I am afraid that it seems like I am annoyed and angry with her. Mom I am not angry with you.

Lord, as I write this I am filled with fear and I need to know that you have my mom in the palm of your hand and that you will protect her and keep her. Dear Jesus please, will you heal her? I beg you Jesus to restore life to her. And please help me not to be scared, but to trust in you so deeply that all my fear is swallowed up by your love so I no longer will any fear that I need to hide by anger and annoyance and can just love my mom.

Lost and not Found

Well I had an incredibly deep post all typed out that bared my heart and soul for all the www to see and hit some obscure button and lost it. Now all you get is this. The typing was cathartic and now have no need to write it all out again. That or it still freaks me out to type stuff like that for people to actually see. You'll never know now!! Cheers.

Gallavanting and Homecomings

I left this fine conitinent that I live on and went to another. I left a couple of weeks ago for Germany and England, to go to some meetings and a conference and see some friends. It was good. That's really all I have to say about it. I met some really fantastic people and saw some neat places, but am I so incredibly happy to be home.

You know the saying, "Home is where the heart is"? Well I think it's true. My heart was in Germany and the UK for a bit, and I remember when it was in Portugal and Spain. Near the end of my trip, my heart was at home and I wasn't there, so I was left longing for home. When I say home I don't necessarily mean home the geograpic location, (but that is part of it), I mean the people you love and connect with...they are what makes up home for me. As an example, I consider myself to have 2 homes. Where I grew up is where all of my family and old friends lives and that's what I call "home home". Calgary, where I live now is "home" and here lives my newer friends and the girls that I've adopted as sisters. The last time I travelled, I was with two of my adopted sisters and so home was partly wherever we happened to be at the time. I did miss the rest of home, but I could handle being away from it for longer because of the part of home that was with me. Are you following my drift here?

Anyways...I was extremely excited the day I was to catch my plane and come home. Of course as Murphy's Law exists and comes alive during just such a time, it would have me miss my flight home so I had to endure another 24 hours apart from my beloved home. Yes, I missed my flight and I did in fact feel like I was in a movie and it wasn't really happening to me. It turned out that is was real life however, and I found myself facing many long hours in which to occupy myself until my replacement flight took my home. Well at least it took me close to home. It took me to Edmonton then I had a 3 hour drive until I hit home. I would have hated to be the guy in the movie, "The Terminal". I found that airports are incredibly noisy in the wee hours of the morn when you'd think it might be a tad peaceful. I would have gone and slept in the chapel if they would have let me, but they said they didn't encourage it and apparently a nice officer strolled through periodically through the night. Well thank goodness for comfy Starbucks chairs. All you have to do is push two of them together and voila!...you have a makeshift bed.

I thought periodically throughout my unexpected extra day in England, "I'm too old for this shit." Meaning I should just fork over the money and get a hotel, but instead I resorted to flawed logic. If I just stayed in the airport for the night, not only could I be sure that I wouldn't miss another plane, I would be sooo stinkin' tired that I would be able to sleep on the plane ride home. I had tried taking gravol to sleep on the way to England but it had no effect. And if staying up for a bazillion hours didn't work, I could still try gravol again and if that didn't work, there was always the nice little bottle of alcohol that I bought.

I didn't sleep one lick of sleep. I tried all of the above and I have come to the conclusion that my body simply rejects airplane sleep. Next time I am going to take whatever cold medication my friend Daniel took when he conked out in his bathroom while shaving only to wake up later asleep on his bathroom floor and the batteries in his shaver were dead. Give me some of that!!

So HOME!!! I am home and I am loving it!! It has been snaining (snowing/raining) today and I don't even care!! I am just absolutely delighted to be home. Thank you God for getting me home.

Cheeky Weather

I am of two minds today. Actually that's true of most days, but today I am of two minds in regard to the weather. A part of me (the one that grew up on the West coast), is really happy to see it raining. I love the smell of the earth when it is rained on. The other part of me loathes the idea of summer ending and winter coming. I think I was made for warmer climates. There is also a part of me that looks forward to blizzardy days that leave behind a snow-blanketed world that seems to be covered in mystery and silence. I think it's the romantic part of me that likes this because I imagine walking hand-in-hand with someone and then sitting by a nice warm fire cuddling. Actually the romantic part of me likes something about every season because they each hold images of romance.

So it's still raining and instinctively I want to do something warm and cozy and be lazy. Could someone install a hot tub in my back yard please? Or a fireplace in my house? Pretty please?

Many moons

It has been many moons since I last wrote here. I have not been inspired to write of late. That's a lie; I have been inspired, but I have not been willing to write because the things in my mind seemed too personal to expose to the world wide web and my friends that read this spot. I am still hesitant to write, but nonetheless find myself here to add another entry.

Life is beautiful. Life is confusing. Sometimes life is ugly. I mostly live in a life that is beautiful. Right now I feel like I am in the beautiful camp and the confusing camp. We are complex people, with insanely instricate minds and personalities and it's no wonder that life can sometimes be confusing. You put us together with other people and our intricacies overlap creating something of beauty, wonder and things we cannot wrap our minds around, but look at in awe and intense curiousity. Things that make you go hmmmmm.

What does my future hold? Does it have you in it?

My Mistake

So I had the lyrics to the one line that I thought I remembered, wrong. Funnily enough though, they were close enough that a friend recognized it(despite my BAD, BAD rendition of faking my way through the line and humming some of the tune[except it was off tune]). Thank the good Lord for friends who know lots of songs!! So I am a happy camper for now until the next song comes along to drive me nuts!!

Okay new topic...so I found out today that the Queen was in town. I don't really know what she was doing here and what all the hubbub was about but hey...she's the queen. Honestly, with no offence meant to my fine British friends, I don't really have any sort of affinity for the queen or any of the royal family for that matter. As a Canadian I feel the queen and family are far too removed from the reality of who we are here. On the other hand I recognize the HUGE influence they've had on the shaping of the Canadian government. I can't dismiss that, but in my day to day life, I can't say that I can identify in any way, shape or form with the Royal family or the roles they play in this world. I also must claim ignorance because honestly, I don't really know what they do besides look pretty, wave nicely and smatter the press occassionally. If any of my British friends feels inclined to educate me, please do.

Next on my list of things to chat about...I wish I knew what I am doing...become a mailperson ( I still like to say mailman...sorry if that offends anyone since it's not a gender equal title), become a reading teacher, go back to school and get a masters in Ed., keep on keeping on...become a superhero with the fantastic power of being able transport people to the exact spot where they would like to fall asleep. Just in case you're curious, this wish for such an odd power comes from my experience as a little kid who still had the WHOLE drive home before she could fall asleep even though she was VERY tired and wanted to sleep now and always wished she could be like Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ and click her heels and say, "There's no place like bed!". Speaking of bed...

One last thing...Has anyone read Neuromancer?

Crazy Like That

The title really has nothing to do with me coming back online and blogging again. The title is lyrics in a song I am looking for but cannot find. I hate when that happens and it seems to be a fairly consistent occurence in my life. I VERY often don't remember the title or artist of a song and so finding a song when you don't know the pertinent information can prove to be difficult. I can probably sing part of the song, but that doesn't mean anyone else will recognize what comes out of my mouth, because what comes from my mouth never sounds quite like the song playing in my head. This at times has proven to be a mild embarrassment, especially when looking to others for assistance in song finding. Oh well...I can laugh at myself.

On to other things on the mind. I went out for a friend's B-day last night and we went dancing. If you know me well, you know that I LOVE to dance! I don't claim to be a stellar dancer, but I can hold my own. On with the story...we went to Tequila's Nightclub to celebrate. I must say that it was skanky. I know my scale of skankiness may be different from other people's but hey...I'm writing this blog, so we'll go with my scale. It seemed the crowd was younger than other places I have danced at. It seemed just more...skankier as well. I had fun don't get me wrong. I like to dance, what more can I say. Give me a chance to dance and automatically I will have fun! I was praying lots while dancing because watching the people around me was a "Crazy like that". Every now and then a song came on with great lyrics that I could sing to God as a prayer and that was terrific. I just needed to dance and pray. I think I need to dance and pray more because places like Tequila needs it, aint no question about that. On that note...if anyone knows the song that the title lyrics belong to let me know...I think it's a Destiny's Child song.

Cravings and Addictions

I am 8 days into my Detox diet for cleansing and once again have re-discovered that I am a carbohydrate junkie. I have seen some progress since my last detox, but still, I have not overcome my addiction to carbs.

The last time I cleansed or detoxed or tortured myself, as I like to call it, was about a year ago and my first day was rough. I had some serious carb cravings to the point where I was thinking, "Just give me some damn chips or fries!". I was having a grumpy day as a result of dealing with my withdrawal symptoms. As soon as I got home that day I fried a potato to a crisp and that was that, but it wasn't bread and cereal.

This time around, I am doing much better. I still have cravings, but they are muted. I pray that the other more insidious cravings and addictions in my life will be muted and eventually just go away. Namely the things that feed pride, the addiction I have to myself. Sherry, get outta the way! More of Jesus and less of me. That's all folks.

Detoxifying

I have just started the Wild Rose Detox program. I must admit that it is with some reluctance that I submit myself to such things as this. I have to abstain from eating so many things that I love! It is distinctively painful to be in my own home and have my roomie bake a chocolate cake, which smells absolutely divine, and know that I am unable to enjoys it's pleasures. It doesn't help that we have random goodies floating around the house as well.

For dinner tonight we enjoyed a black bean and rice casserole. It's an odd recipe. It has eggs and rice and black beans and tomato sauce...it IS tasty though. It looks funny, but tastes good.

I noted today with disdain, that my sense of smell becomes heightened while I detox. Paul opened a bag of corn chips and I could smell them like I have never smelled anything before. It was an intense smell that caused my stomach to growl and once the bag was finished the smell lingered to torment me.

You gotta love detoxes. It takes discipline, which I am not the best at, but am obviously working on. That would be another blog entirely of it's own, which I might just write up tomorrow since it is supposed to blizzard most of the night, and I think I may spend most of the day at home rather than risk frostbite or a car accident.

Well, I meant to be in bed an hour ago, so off I go!

Auspicious beginnings

I just have to say that I really, really like the way 2005 has started. It has had an auspicious beginning.

I flew in New Year's Eve to party with the Epic gang down at the Jupiter and we had a blast. We did pack it in a little early in my humble opinion. It was a fun filled evening nonetheless. January 1st was a day all unto itself (of course it was, how could it not be a day unto itself, but I am trying to build up to what a great day it was).

It all started with a great sleep in. I believe that I rolled out of bed around 11 am and lolled around like a sloth for a while. You know what that's like. Take a shower and stay in and stand under the falling water until you feel like you are going to fall asleep standing up and you're wishing you drew a bath instead. Then you lounge around like a cat in your bathrobe and sit in front of the window that has the most sun shining in. Maybe eat something sugary and leave your bowl on the floor because you can. At some point you decide to get dressed because you have nothing else you have to do. Nothing but relax and welcome in a new year that comes in carry nothing but potential in with it. It has not brought with it yet any disappointments, frustrations, pain, broken dreams and the such. It has thus far brought nothing but hope.

It gets even better. I went over to Abby and Nat's place with some other friends and we were going to hang out, play games, eat food and relax. We played games from 4 in the afternoon until about midnight. We played the funniest, most hilarious game of Cranium I have ever played! Have you ever tried to act out 'REPRODUCE' ? Yep. All I have to say is that there was a lot of laughter, sore stomachs, maybe some tears and it was definitely hard to breathe for a bit. I love laughing like that. Uncontrollable laughter has got to be one of the funnest things to do. I wish more things were funny like that. Maybe things are funny like that and I am just too boring to notice. It sure makes everything else after that seem funny too.

To end the first day of the year we took some time to pray with each other and for each other and for ourselves and let God re-ignite us yet again for another year. We prayed to die to self, way, way, less or me and way, way, more of God; we prayed to see miracles and then prayed that we wouldn't doubt; we prayed for loved ones, we prayed for people we don't even know in Southeast Asia. We prayed that we would know the heart of God for this world and feel the heart of God for this world.

It is going to be a great year!

Why only Now?

I wonder why we (as the general population), only seem to feel motivated towards generosity and giving during the Christmas season. As the season approaches you hear more and more about upcoming food drives and food banks and the such. Why don't we do this all year around? Do people only need our help, love, compassion and generosity once a year?

I realize that I have just made a generalization in saying what I have said, but it does often seem that this is true. Or maybe it's just that we only HEAR about it during the Christmas PUSH. I know a lot of things happen behind the scenes all year around, but I think we should hear about that too, and be motivated to be involved all year around, not just at Christmas time. Life doesn't get easier just because the seasons change.

New Name

I don't know how many people would notice, but I changed the name of my blog to reflect the state of life I am in. It is missing the accents, but it is a Hebrew word and part of the definition is right underneath. I am in a waiting phase.

As I have been reading and doing a tad of studying about waiting, I have come to conclude that waiting has many different looks. Sometimes waiting is being quiet, sitting by yourself in a room away from all distractions and waiting to hear God's voice. Other times I believe that it is a time of preparation. Look at the parable of the virgins in Luke. They were waiting for the bridegroom to appear and some were preparing for his arrival and others "checked out" and took a nap.

As I spoke with a friend today, we were speaking of times of transition and both felt like right now (where we are), is a time of transition for many people, most definitely for me. In this time God is positioning his people for what he has in store. We however, have a choice: we can prepare ourselves for whatever we've been positioned for(even if we don't know what that is), or we can sit back and check out. I think I will wait and prepare.

Cidade de Deus

City of God, an infamous favela of Rio de Janiero, a slum city. I watched the movie City of God last night and it was so disturbing! The movie is based on a true story that spanned the late 60's, 70's and early 80's. It was everything that you can imagine what living in hell would be like. Death, killing, drugs, poverty, fear, rape, war... The most upsetting thing about it was that it was a war of youth and children. Kids had guns and killed each other. Young men thought honour and prestige were associated with their first kill. Aaaahhhhh!! I read an article on the movie last night too and a journalist said this about the movie and real life situation:

Foreign audiences may well have found City of God’s violence stomach-churning, particularly that involving very young children, but the reality today, 30 years after the film was set, is far worse. Drug gangs are now better organised and armed, and child recruitment is more common. Nearly 3,000 people are shot dead each year in Rio, where 11,000 young men are thought to be involved in armed drug gangs. About half of these are estimated to be under 18 and handle weaponry such as assault rifles, ground-to-air rocket-launchers and grenades.

I don't even know what else to say about it, except that it made me cry out to God for a group of people in a place that seems so devoid of God. God is there, they just can't see him. Jesus reveal yourself in Cidade de Deus.

wogging, jogging and running

Well I have started running again. It's been a while. To be absolutely realistic, you would call my "running", jogging.

I am quite proud of myself, I have ran 3 times so far this week. The first run felt sketchy, the second not too bad and the last one I joined a friend and I felt like an out of shape geek.

We arranged to meet to go for our run, and I did forwarn him that it would be more like a jog so he would not have any crazy running expectations of me. When we were chatting and stretching before we ran, he non-chalantly commented on a past marathon he'd run. Actually, it was 2 marathons he'd run in the past. Well for me, a returnee to running after a long remission, I was hesitant to run with him. What if I embarrassed myself by my lack of endurance? What if my jog is more like a waste of time to him? Aaahhhh the fun and joys of comparison. He's more fit, his legs are longer....blah, blah, blah. It was really about the company. The run was a bonus to me. Running is way more fun when you have someone to talk to and keep your mind off how painful it is to get back into shape.

My advice...if you are just getting back into running, go with someone who is more fit than you. If they still want to run with you after a lame jog, they enjoy your company. PLUS...they can talk the whole time and all you have to do is listen. Maybe ask a few questions to keep them chatting. Funny thing was that at the beginning of the run, he kept asking me questions and I was having a hard time answering in between breaths. Oh...so funny!

Give me another month of consistent running and I might just like running again. And to my running pal, I hope you enjoyed your wog!

"Marathoning is just another form of insanity"-- 1952 Boston Marathon winner John J. Kelley

Busy and Rushed...and sometimes tired

It's funny that when I am not busy and don't have a million things on my agenda, I wish to be busy. Who in the world wants to be busy?! Today I was busy and rushed, and I can't tell you how many times I uttered profanity. I was impatient as I drove, impatient as plowed my way through Ikea and I have to say, that I don't like the person I become when I am busy and rushed. Is that why the world is full of a bunch of jerks like I was today? Because everyone is busy and rushed? We really do need to learn to slow down, relax and learn how to wait well, learn how to deal with things out of our own control and just breathe. Maybe we should take siestas in the middle of the day too, then tired wouldn't have to be added to busy and rushed.
Despite myself, today ended well.

Shut Down

do you ever feel like every direction you turn you get shut down? I am beginning to know the feeling. I stand here before God saying over and over that I am available and I pick something up and it gets taken away. I get shut down. It's frustrating, but at the same time I can see that God is teaching me things...(I hope i'm not too daft to get it all!). I have realized that my pride is hurt everytime I don't get to do something and then I think, if I wasn't prideful, my pride couldn't be hurt. God please deal with my pride.

As well...I'm just not good at waiting. It's hard to wait when you feel like you should be doing something. Even harder when you think that the people around you think you should be doing something. I could very easily do lots of things, but I know I would be doing them simply to distract myself from waiting before God and letting him work out things in me and teach me.

My friend Corey said just last night (as we had a planning meeting), that I needed to be protected! I was a bit surprised by her saying that and asked what I needed to be protected from. As she went on to explain, I completely agreed with her. She said I would do everything that came my way and do an good job at it all, but basically in the end, it would keep me from what I was meant to do. I just wish I knew what I was meant to do, because at this point as things keep getting taken away from me, I'm feeling that must not be capable of anything. oh the lies! It gets so tiresome to keep combatting the lies, but so essential. I know God has a destiny for me and I can feel it in me, wanting to burst out and BE!! At the same time, I know the NOW part is to wait and let God unfold and reveal the beauty and exciting things he's planned for me to do. Ah the joy and frustration of working it all out. When do I get to be me?...whoever that is.

No Brainer

I feel like whenever I write here I am supposed to be profound. Well...I say to the trash with that idea! So this entry is a no brainer. I simply haven't posted for a while and wanted to. I did discover a recent comment from the last user of this blog site...sherrysherry.blogpot.com. Funny thing is I never imagined that someone else would come up with the same creative and unique name that I would. Maybe I will have some fun random readers as a result.

Aaaaah. Did I tell you that I shared the message at church a week ago? I did. And once I was finished I was happy to be done, having shared what the Creator put on my heart to share. The scary thing is now I feel like there is more he wants me to say and teach. Eeek! I will get over my nervousness. My sermon or talk, whatever you want to call it, was about Comparison and how when we do compare ourselves to others...we end up with an ungodly perspective of self and others. I think my last blog ranted about this a bit. Anyhow, what was funny was a lot of my nervousness came from comparing myself to others who I think are better speakers than me. As well fearing that everyone who was listening would compare me to the other speakers and come to the same conclusion that I had come to...that they were better and I was worse. God please help me.

I spoke with my Dad on the phone recently(it was his 53rd Birthday) and he gave me a run down on obedience. Now I think I want to study obedience. I also want to study about heaven. My curiousity about heaven is big. I don't know when it started, but I know that when I read this novel by a guy named Randy Alcorn, he described Heaven in a way I had never thought of and it made sense. So now...Heaven is on the study list.

I've been thinking about the early disciples and how at the beginning of the church in Acts, they were all basically together. Then the Holy Spirit came and they had a teacher, counsellor, etc. They were equipped and all that and then totally dispersed. For some reason I keep thinking that me and all the people here in my community are in a time of equipping and a time of dispersal is coming. I wonder where I will be...the Morley Reserve? Sometimes I really want to be there and spend more and more time in the community. Maybe have a home there that is a safe place for people to come and hang out and be loved and built up and have fun. But after thinking about all the crap that goes on...I mean I know, I grew up on a reserve and at one point of my life made a vow that I would never live on a reserve again. I had to take that back and say to God I would go anywhere, even back to the reserve again. Don't get me wrong, it's not as bad as this is making it sound at the moment, but it's stuck and it's messy and political. Sometimes it's better to be in the mess than to walk away and pretend it doesn't exist though.

Okay to totally change the subject once again, I think I would like to learn french. I don't think it will be too too difficult since I did take french for 5 years in school. Hopefully it won't be too hard, because I also want to learn Spanish, Portuguese, Halq'mey:lem and Stoney. Yeah. They say that learning another language helps improve your memory.

Thoughts on some stuff

I was reading a friend's blog and he made a comment that ran along a familiar vein of thinking among a number of people I have been talking to. It had to do with those we would view as being the "spiritually elite" in the church today and feeling as if church was really geared for them as opposed to the rest of the normal church population. I think this is a train of thought that the enemy must take great pleasure in perpetuating and making some people feel like crap and others like they are ahead of the game.

I was thinking about what was said about the church being geared for the so-called spiritually elite and I wonder is it really? Or is it our own funny perceptions that tell us that? I have felt the same way on and off, but found that the times when I feel as you do now, that it is because I am at that moment comparing myself, my "spirituality" to others and I think that I am lacking and I think that others think I am lacking and the end results in me feeling left out in some way. I think it has something to do with our own definitions of the word spiritual as well. We, as the church have at times resorted to the definition of 'spiritual' as being active in some sort of publicly seen spiritual giftedness. This opposed to seeing that since we are created as both physical and SPIRITUAL beings, that our entire life, every moment of everyday is spiritual because we are spiritual. But we often go by what we can see, what we define as "evidence" that we are in fact spiritual...does so and so hear God? do they dream dreams, see visions, speak in tongues, manifest God in some way?? We have given higher value to things in comparison to others. The work of the enemy to cause dissent and strife among God's people. Compare yourselves to one another and find yourself to be better than some and not the equal of others. Neither of these a Godly perspective of self. Nor Godly perspective of others. These are the things I have been thinking about lately. That's enough of my rant. Love to hear back from you on this.

Standing here until you make me move

It's a saturday morning and yet again, for the 6th morning that I have woken up since coming back from Europe, I wonder what my life is going to be.

I was talking with a friend about what Pete said at the 24-7 conference I was at, about not making any major life decisions for at least 3 weeks after coming home. Why? because you'd be overwhelmed spiritually and emotionally from the trip. We all laughed, but now that I am home, I am laughing and I am wondering. I wonder how crazy would it be to make some decisions now! I mean, I feel like I would be more willing to do ANYTHING God wanted me to do. I feel open and vulnerable. I feel flexible, movable and raring to GO. It would be pretty crazy to just jump up and say, "HEY! I 've decided to move to Portugal, learn Portuguese and do 24-7 stuff there!". At the same time if God really wanted me to do that I would, no matter how much it would freak the heck outta me, because I would be leaving all that is familiar to me.

Right now when I think about it though, I think it is the comfortable and familiar things that keep us rooted to one spot a lot of the time. Of course fear of the unknown and what it holds roots us to the spot too. We want to be secure and that too keeps us in one spot, because when you start moving into the unknown, you don't know that it holds security (according to the world's definition). Right now I don't feel so rooted. I feel that I would be okay right now with selling all my stuff and moving to somewhere and learning a new language. I am young and single and I don't have a house or a family or a dog...why not go now?!?

I was talking with a friend of mine about people in the ancient past and how they were definitely more nomadic than we and we also talked about how the Great Commission had the great statement..." GO...". Maybe being a nomadic, gypsy, 24-7 missionary is what's in store for me. I don't know. Who knows. Thank goodness God knows and I will stand here until he makes me move.