Chez Moi

I am home and have been here for almost 3 weeks now and although travelling, adventuring and learning things in new places is fun and exciting, it is sweet to be home. Home is the place that allows me to experience REAL rest. When I am away I get enough sleep and I enjoy myself, but it is here at home that I can once again feel like I don't have to move, I can be 100% myself (not just 99.9% and the 0.01% actually tires you out as you unconciously or conciously seek to protect yourself from the unknown parts of all the new people you meet...at least until you trust them).

I love home, I love my "family" here and despite all of our ups and downs over this past year I have cherished this home and the people. We are changing though and it makes me sad in some ways. I look forward to the new things and people with a scared, wary type of anticipation (it still includes the exciting, "what is coming next" type of anticipation too...you know the type that you have before opening a gift).

I think I love home because I love just BEING and I can do that here. Even when I have things to do, like filing (filing schmiling...it can wait), or organizing all my cd's (that can wait too....I am more important than my cd's), or practicing french, practicing guitar, trying to find all the book keeping stuff....things I need to do, should do...will get done, but right now....I will BE. I love it. even if I was working full time this summer...I would most certainly not fill my evenings with organizing cd's...I would relax, read a book, try tennis, lie in the hammock and let the world just be the world and for a time (an hour maybe more), let it just pass me by. And in my mind, talk to God, drift into a peaceful, dozy, sort of, maybe sleep, but can still kinda hear the world around me.

But...then comes September and then the time to BE becomes overshadowed by school assignmments (okay...it's not so much the assignment as it is the accompanying stress that does the overshadowing). Stress...I need YOU God to help me deal with stress better. I hate being a stress ball, it changes how I act, feel, percieve and all that jazz. Help me to BE in the middle of busyness.

And what does the future look like? here, there? You, me, them? Daily practical thingamajiggers (I forget what they are called, but I know what I mean). I am curious to see what Chez Moi will look like in a month and a half from now. I will let you reveal it God.