Beloved

Life in the Fast Lane.

2010-02-12T20:41:00.002-07:00

I guess many people would call normal life the fast lane. However I still feel as though I am in the middle lane even though I work everyday and do all the same things I am sure many other people do. Sometimes I think slowing down is a frame of mind. Can you slow down your mind enough in order to enjoy life, the people you share it with and then fun things you get to do (I get to do fun things in my job as a teacher)? So I have been living normal life so far I guess. Mortgage, job, renos...but yet somehow life is NEVER normal!! I am married to Nolan so that is certainly one huge reason that my life is often diverted from normal, but there's more. God is so far removed from normal. He's a mystery and he's in my life so there is no normal, there is always discovery and then more mystery. Who is this God that loves me? I don't understand him. how can we? He is eternal and I can't even wrap my mind around that concept!! EEEeeeeek! The idea of forever is foreign to me and then add the fact that God always was and always will be blows a fuse in my brain. Anyhow...my heart loves him, my spirit adores him and my soul is often at odds with him but submits to some growing degree to him. Submit is such a weird concept. It carries so many negative connotations with it and people often bristle at the idea of it. I certainly did when I was younger, but when you are confronted with unsurpassed love, it becomes a question of how can I NOT submit. When someone loves you SO fully and want only your best and they say " Go do this" I can trust that person because they love me. I know that humans betray our love and our trust, but God never does so his love is always present and he is always trustworthy.

Wow this entry is so random. to continue on in randomness...I am taking a yoga class. It's good, but my knee is bugging me. I also started reading Jesus in the Lotus and so far it is weird. That's all I have to say.

Marriage and teaching.

2008-11-08T11:25:00.002-07:00

I just need to write a quick little note to say how much I love being married to the man of my dreams. He is kind, thoughtful, conscientious, funny, affectionate and he often thinks of my well being before he thinks of his own. So I am in good hands and am well cared for.

This September I began teaching at an elementary school. It's a really hard job. I could see that it was a hard job while I was student teaching, but it's beyond what I had imagined. It is the most difficult and challenging job that I have ever taken on. I may sound like a masochist, but at the same time I enjoy it in some weird way. It's not just that there are great kids because often they are very challenging, but it is because it is the job that God has given me and when you work hard and do your work as unto the Lord and not for man (in the Bible somewhere), it is rewarding and it gives you strength and resources that you didn't know you had. As well, God wired me to want work that challenged my mind and gave me opportunities to learn and grow. Teaching is a great job for just those reasons. A teacher NEVER really arrives at a point of having reached perfection or being a master teacher or something of that nature. You can always learn, you can always improve and any decent teacher knows that and knows that you must always reflect on your own work so you can continue to improve on it. I have oodles of room for improvement, but I kind of feel like I am holding my own.

Back to the God giving me strength and resources for teaching and life. First and foremost he gave me Nolan. I cannot express adequately how Nolan has been a source of strength, encouragement and restoration for me as I have begun teaching. Long hours and rebuilding the wheel is stressful and a new work location, new co-workers, a new home to unpack and settle into and a new marriage. There were many days I am sure I would have cried in exhaustion and frustration during the first month of my new work if it hadn't have been for the love of God and the love of my husband. I believe that right now I would have been a very discontent person and not very happy as a teacher and my life if it hadn't been for Nolan and his constant love and encouragment. He has given me strength, his love has restored me and allowed me to face another day and all that comes with it. Now I know that this may sound as though I have placed Nolan as an idol in my life, but wait...

I believe that God's timing is impeccable. He gave me Nolan as a husband and His purpose in marriages is to reveal a greater degree of his nature and being to us through the intimacy of a Bride and Groom, because to Him, the Church is his Bride. Earthly marriage is to be another beacon of light that shows the world who God is and how much he loves us. I believe that God has taught me a great deal about HIS love through how Nolan and I interact as husband and wife because I now have this tangible expression of intimate love that reveals to me how God desires us, and thinks of us, and cares for us and I have been greatly encouraged and strengthened through it.

I have to say that I highly recommend marriage, and when you allow God to choose and reveal you marriage spouse, it's such an amazing experience!!

God is good.

Pizza from Hell

2008-03-29T21:37:00.002-06:00

On Friday night I went to Hell and back but stopped at Wendy's on the way. Mmmmhmmm. It's true. On Friday Tania and I drove the car down the road to the Wendy's drive through to pick up a spicy chicken combo. I had asked for an iced tea to go with my combo meal and ended up with an orange juice?!? I am not quite sure how that happens, but it did. Somehow drinking orange juice doesn't quite fit the bill when you indulge in fast food. Anyhow...this is all beside the point. The point was, that I went to Hell and back.

Hell Pizza Co. the name of one of the hottest pizza places around town here in Auckland. We stopped there to pick up some pizza that the flat mates ordered. Pizzas by the names of: lust, chaos, gluttony, and so on. Really quite disconcerting names however, the pizzas taste quite heavenly!!

Aaaaahhhh...speaking of gustatory delights, I was invited to breakfast this morning for a new combo I have never imagined putting together. I was invited to Leon and Hannah's for pancake/crepe hybrid with a mix of bananas and bacon topped with brown sugar and maple syrup. I personally thought the mix of bananas and bacon sounded quite revolting however it was quite the contrary; it was quite tasty!!

Now that is quite enough about food. I have to go and bake some cookies.

Grease, calves and maybe the zoo

2008-03-27T00:34:00.004-06:00

Well...here I am once again writing from good ol' New Zealand still. The other night I came home (from next door) and low and behold, what did I see? On the wall was a nice green bug; it was a praying mantis!! I thought it was pretty exciting to see one. It sat on the wall and I immediately went and grabbed my camera to see if I could get a good shot of it. So me and the mantis had a nice little photoshoot. It had these serious bugging out eyes...and while I was taking pictures it turned its buggy little head and watched me. Freaky little bug. I don't know if they bite of anything, so I left it to enjoy the luxury of our wall while I went off to enjoy the luxury of my bed.

On another note...I bought a membership at the local community centre and have gone to workout and get buff. One of the trainers there recently wrote up a strength training program for me and I was on day 3 of the workout. It included standing and seated calf raises. No problemo! I used to do them all the time back in the day. They always have seemed kind of easy so I put on a good amount of weight. The next morning I could barely stand up properly!! When you sleep, the position of your calf muscles are in a shortened position and overnight they begin to heal in that shortened position. SO in the morning when you go to stand up and LENGTHEN your calf muscles you are TEARING the healing that has happened overnight and it is painful. So for 3 days now I have not been able to walk properly. I have been tiptoeing around because placing my heals on the ground is SORE! So needless to say, I have avoided the gym.

In the meantime, I have spent some good time with the neighbours. Leon, Hannah, Canaan, Josiah and Psalm. The other night we watched the movie Grease because I had never watched it before. Ever. Leon and Hannah filled me in on interesting Grease trivia as we watched the movie. Did you know that John Travolta was 19 years old and Olivia Newton John was 26 when they filmed the movie? Did you know that the black super tight pants that Olivia wears at the end of the movie had to be sewn on her? Have you ever caught all the sexual innuendos of this classic movie? The best part of our night was after the movie though. Hannah had pulled up a YouTube video of a newly married couple at their wedding doing a cheesy little choreographed dance number. That wasn't the best part. The best part came after that. We watched little videos of laughing babies!! It was so funny and cute! We were all laughing so hard at all the videos!! I highly recommend it!

Over the past few days I have been thinking about my trip home. My flight leaves in the evening and we travel overnight to SanFrancisco and land there in the late morning. I have 6 hours in San Fran before catching my connecting flight home to Calgary. The question is what do you do in San Fran for 6 hours after a 14 hour flight from the other side of the world during which you really don't get any sleep. SO, by the time you arrive, you've been awake for 20 some odd hours and feel like a broken toilet. What do you do? I keep thinking how great it would be to rent a hotel room for half a day (as if hotels do that) and SLEEP!!!! On the other hand I keep thinking it would be lame to just stay in the airport and wait out the time. I should go OUT and see some of San Francisco, or at least head to the zoo. BUT...what fun is that when you feel like garbage? What to do, what to do? Ideally my flight home to Calgary would be changed and leave at least 3 or 4 hours earlier than scheduled. Yeah, wishful thinking.

Well...I still have 6 sleeps (that's if I actually sleep on the plane) until I am HOME!

Finally...real homesickness

2008-03-19T15:09:00.002-06:00

I have experienced this feeling before. I was in Brighton, England and I really wanted to come home. I kind of shut down a little bit. I don't want to wander around and experience the place where I am, I just want to pass the time quickly so I can go home. Don't get me wrong. I am still doing my thing here. Last night I went to weaving class even though I was ridiculously tired and I wove an awesome basket. I am still working on my stupid paper. I still go to the gym. I still enjoy the warm sunshine and love my neighbours and enjoy their children (who made a Harry Potter movie last Saturday and came over in the morning just before I was leaving to go to the street market, to ask me if I would be Lord Voldemorte...isn't that just priceless? I love being asked things like that by the cutest looking 4 year old with a pair of round glasses and a scar drawn on his face, and in his sweet innocent little voice...priceless). It actually reminds me of the time his older brother who is 6 asked me to go to his drama class with him. We wanted a different adult to be there than his mom. So he asked me and said that if I went I either had to be a fairy or a troll because that was who was in the play and being totally genuine told me I could be a troll because I looked like one. Oh...so funny. Nolan did you know that you are marrying someone who apparently looks like a troll? Aren't you a lucky fella.

Anyhow...it's time. It is time to go home. Unfortunately my plane ticket and the calendar don't quite agree with me and since I have not yet learned how to manipulate time....I can't do anything about it. I am trying oh so hard to be patient but as it turns out, I am actually not an incredibly patient person. I have even resorted to what I used to do while running laps for trial times when I used to try out for Team BC for field hockey. As I ran, I knew I had to run 12 laps. As I ran I would tell myself how many laps I had left to do. After one, I would say in my head, "11 left to go". As I began to get tired, I would change the method a bit and say I had completed lap 6, I would say to myself, "5 laps to after this one", so it SOUNDED as if I had less than 6 laps left to run. Well, that is exactly what I am doing now. Instead of saying I only have X amount of days until I go home, I say I have Y amount of days after this one. So it seems that April 1st is closer than it actually is, but 1o days sounds better than 11 days. AND 9 days sounds WAY better than 10 days (its a single digit). So there you have it. The inner thinkings and workings of Sherry for today.

In the meantime as I sit here and procrastinate from writing my paper, I keep checking to see if Nolan has returned home from Ontario and signed on to Skype so I can talk to him. I feel like a bit of a stalker, but it has been at least 6 days since I have talked to him and I am in extreme withdrawal. I was going to go to the MIT library and work on the paper, but I wasn't sure if they would have wireless just in case Nolan did sign on, so I have resigned myself to working at home. Do you think me pathetic? Oh well. I don't care. I love him and want to talk to him. Priorities people, priorities.

Sunny days keeping the clouds away.

2008-03-14T14:26:00.004-06:00

I am verifiably in certified countdown mode. How many sleeps until I get to see Nolan at 11pm ish on Tuesday, April 1st? The number is getting smaller and smaller, but not fast enough for my liking. Time is moving sloooowwwwllly like molasses in January. It will make coming home all that much sweeter I guess.

I actually had a great blog entry typed up but I hit some random button and it left. I despise random buttons. It's more interesting when random buttons are things like ejection seats or are the 'on' button for a siren or something, but as an erase button on the computer? Lame, very disappointing actually and extremely annoying.

So...today is a rather sunny day not unlike many of the days that I have had since being here. i don't think the temperature has dipped lower than maybe 21 degrees during the day. I know just the other night when I went to bed at 11pm it was still 21 degrees out. Actually yesterday after coming home from the beach (where I was chaperoning two 4 year olds) it started to cloud over and I was jumping on my bike to come home and it started to spit. Hanna joked and wish me a good ride home. Well...my ride home was not in the spitting rain but it was in the torrential rain! It was nice! It was still really warm out, the raindrops were so large that it seemed as though it would only take 5 raindrops to effectively soak you. I was drenched by the time I got home (a 10 minute bike ride), and I had a huge grin on my face!

Anyhow, it is a gorgeous day outside right now and I am going to Pacifica Fest just down the road. I can actually hear it from here. Drums are beating and it's catching. It is a celebration of Pacific Island cultures and it is going to be fun! I am going to take my camera (that I still don't know how to use properly) and take some pics and I am going to hope I don't get a sunburn and stupid tan lines.

I hope that tomorrow is as nice as today because I am going to head off to R.......Island which used to be a volcano and hike up it and check out the crater and take more pictures.

When will I actually do my homework? Maybe just for once it will do itself.

Maybe.

2008-03-13T02:19:00.002-06:00

I caught part of a korero (talk) given by my neighbour Sam at the last Te Haerenga. We talked about all sorts of things, but Sam was always able to relate the scripture or topics to culture identity, being Maori (or Irish, or First Nations, Sri Lankan, Hebrew...) and to the ministry of home.

I am not even sure where to begin...on top of listening to him talk at the marae, I'm in a Bible study with him every week too...I should have been taking notes...hindsight is always 20/20. Anyhow...we're looking at Nehemiah...it was kind of chosen by default. Hanna (Sam's daughter and one of my other next door neighbours) asked a question about Nehemiah because she was reading something and it became our focus. There you go. Anyhow...Nehemiah is about rebuilding and that's what the Maori are doing in some many ways; rebuilding their cultural identity, rebuilding their language, their homes, their whanuas, and their values. It's hard work to rebuild especially when there is opposition like there was in Nehemiah.

So...why Nehemiah? Sam asked us that question and then said because he had vision. Vision. I feel as though I have met so many visionary people and that I had a pretty good idea what it meant to be visionary. Sam shed some light on the meaning of the word vision. He referred to the scripture that had the word vision in it (I forgot which one) and said that it referred to a scroll being unrolled and its contents being revealed and it meant (in this scripture...something about people being without vision....anyone?), "The unfolding of the mind, will and purpose of God". I like that. I want vision.

NEXT.

Then he was talking about when a couple of John's disciples asked him where he was staying and instead of saying, "oh, I live with my mom and dad over there and my dad and I have a carpentry shop", he said, "Come with me" and he took them there. Sam's purpose of pointing out this little tidbit was to share how important home is as a place (if not THE place) for ministry. Then he pointed out that a number of things Jesus did were in homes too...water into wine, healing the paralytic, meals etc. Home. Create a place where he can dwell and people want to come and spend time in your home. Not just the power of home but a sense of family and how it can heal people to see and live in and be in a sense of family.

Where do you live?

The next thing was about the shakers, feelers and insiders.

Shakers don't get to close to you, they may not even look at you, but just shake you a bit and then make their best guesses as to what you are like and what you need etc (gov't, sometimes the church, researchers). How would that make you feel?

Feelers still won't look at you, but they will get close enough to touch and poke, maybe ask a few good intentioned questions (that serve their own purposes of defining who you are rather than letting you tell them who you are or taking the time to actually get to know you). Maybe even be friendly just to get those answers too, and then leave.

Insiders are the people that actually take the time to have a relationship, get to know you, see and experience your life. YOU...are an insider...you know yourself. You know best (well God knows best, but you usually have a pretty good idea what you need etc. and what your life is really like).

I kept thinking of ministering to people in the world and wondering how often Christians have been shakers and feelers rather than insiders. Jesus was most definitely an insider. I hate to admit that I have been both a shaker and a feeler. I have stereotyped, judged, and misunderstood people.

What are you?

This was such a random post. Sorry. Random thoughts just have to come out sometimes.

What other random thoughts have I been having you ask? Well, I can't stop thinking about how many sleeps it is until I get to see Nolan (19) and I have thought about weaving and whether or not Canadian customs will let me keep the things I have made (it's plant material) and I keep wondering what the heck I am going to do for a 6 hour layover in San Fransisco after a 15 hour flight from Auckland. Yep. That's it for now.

Chapman Whanau, Marae Waipapa and Clandon

2008-02-21T01:05:00.009-07:00

I wrote this on Feb. 18th...

I am presently sitting in my third unique community setting since having arrived in New Zealand. I've already described the first, so let me move on to the second.

Marae Waipapa is in Kawhia ('wh' is like 'ph' and makes an 'f ' sound). A marae (mah- rye) is the Maori traditional extended family community home. Tania and I went to stay at Marae Waipapa this past weekend for the beginning of Te Haerenga (te hiringa pronounced with a soft 'g' sound), which means "The Journey". Te Haerenga is a discipleship training series of weekends put on by Maori for Maori through the ministry of Island Breeze (a part of ywam). Back a number of years ago they did a world impact tour to evangelize the Maori, but in a Maori way. BUT...to follow up had no way to show them how to be followers of Jesus as Maori, only by stuff them into church culture. So began Te Haerenga.

The weekend began on Friday night as we sat in the parking lot outside the marae waiting. We were waiting for everyone to arrive (it was kind of like Indian time-Pam you know what I mean). Once everyone was there, we would be called onto the marae. That was the only way to come into someone else's marae. And so it began. The women walked in front of the men and a woman sang a song in Maori that called us into their home. A woman in our group responded in song as we entered and made our way to benches across from where the whanau (pronounced fan-oh, meaning family)were seated. The men on the front benches and the women behind. The men each had the opportunity to speak greetings and welcomes and such. Tania said it could last for hours. For us...it lasted about 10 minutes and then we walked to where the whanau were seated and greeted them each by pressing noses together in order to breathe the same breath...which would then make us in a sense family too.

After we had a late dinner we all gathered in the whare nui (fahd-eh new-ee, big house) for korero (koh-dee-doh, speaking, talk, sharing, anytime you talk). It was a time for introductions and EVERYONE was given the floor for really as long as they wanted to introduce themselves and say whatever they wanted to say. Oh...the layout of the whare nui...a HUGE long one room house with mattresses (foamies) lines up around the entire outside wall (with a HUGE stack still left in the corner of the room). There were must have been at least 60-70 mattresses!! And we all slept in the same room; men, women, youth, children, babies...everyone.

Saturday was good...we started learning a song...hard for me because I didn't know how to pronounce everything I was reading. Here's the song and it's based on Psalm 29.

Hoatu ki a Ihowa
E nga tama o te hunga nunui

Hoatu ki a Ihowa
te korokia me t koha
Hoatu ki a Ihowa
te kororia e rite an mo tona ingoa
koropiko ki a Ihowa
I roto i te atahua o te tapu
kei runga te reo o Ihowa i nga wai
e pap ana te whatitiri o te atua
e te kororia
kei runga a Ihowa i nga waimaha
kaha tonu te reo o Ihowa
kororia tonu te reo o Ihowa
whanau ana nga hata i te reo o Ihowa
tihorea ana nga kia tahanga
I tona temepara ko te kupu a te katoa
kororia ka homai e Ihowa
he kaha ki tana Ihowa manaki mo tanga hunga

So...I did my best. Later on we learned raenga (weaving) from harvest to finish for a simple basket that would be used at a meal. It was neat! AND the thing is...that back in the day if your mother, aunty or grandmother were teaching you something like this, you would never JUST be learning to weave, you would learn the lessons of life and spirit woven into the day to day skills you learned. SO we learned that if God was Maori...he would have been a weaver (instead of a potter) and we would have been the flax (that's what we were weaving) and he would weave us into whatever thing, in whatever pattern he wanted to. AND as flax in the hands of God the master weaver, we would be softened and prepared and dyed and...and...(it is apparently a long process to prepare flax to weave). I love God and that He is as much Maori as he is Sto:lo Sitel, and Ojibwe etc. It was a great lesson to remember what God is like while learning how to weave.

On Sunday morning after breakfast we had korero and people had the opportunity to share thoughts on the weekend. I felt like I wanted to say something but I hesitated and let others speak. At the end(ish) Ray picked up his guitar and said, "Anyone else?" and seemed to look right at me. I nodded my head and stood up and could tell that I was going to be fighting tears. So...I joked! I was hoping to get past the urge to cry. Why I felt like crying I don't know. I only knew that God was doing something in me. So...I paused hoping again that the tears would pass, but God apparently wanted me to cry in front of everyone. So I told everyone that I cry when God moves in my spirit and that I have a hard time talking and crying, to which Karen Bishop (one of the marae whanau) said..."You just cry then, we'll wait and then you can talk". Essentially what came out of my mouth was that I felt strongly that God had me here to learn about community and family. He used a teaching practicum to get me here and show me more of His beautiful ways that community is expressed. It was more than just that though...I was in awe and in a way jealous of a culture that seemed so much more intact than mine in many ways. It was fantastic to see Maori's being MAORI Jesus followers, not Maori copying church Christian culture type Christians, but following Jesus within the context of their culture and their way of being which we know glorifies God as He created all cultures in His image and we glorify Him when we are being ourselves.

Instead of coming straight home when the weekend was over, Tania took me with her to go and visit a good friend of hers who was home front Thailand for a bit and staying with mutual friends, living in Clandon Community. Community numero 3. 25 years ago, 6 families from Auckland sold their homes, put the money in a trust, the trust got a loan from the bank, the trust had land donated to them and they built a community. They built in clusters and made 3 of them. In each cluster are 2 attached homes with garages and attached on the other side of each garage are smaller units meant to be used by people who need them; a family hard up on luck, a single trying to go clean, missionaries on furlough...whatever they are needed for. They have a shared laundry room in each cluster and either a games room or a quiet room in the corner of each cluster in between where the two homes meet. They have a swimming pool and they share things like lawn mowers and sporting equipment etc. The whole community, everyone from all 3 clusters of homes get together once every week to eat together potluck style. They pray, worship or

This week as we've talked more about community around the kitchen table here back in Auckland, God reminded me that He is the quintessential community; Father, Son and Holy Spirit. MMmmmmm. Something good to mull over in the mind and spirit. What does that picture pf community hold for us to learn from?

So...community...what is your definition of it?

The times and the faces

2008-02-14T14:07:00.006-07:00

Well...I have been in Auckland a week now and it feels like it has been at least 2 weeks. I have been doing homework, making friends and attended a funeral in the extended family Maori community I am living in.

Yes...I am living in a really neat community here. The Chapman family has revived the traditional Maori value of living in extended family communities and they've done it in an urban, poor community area. What they've managed to do has inspired me and I really, honestly haven't heard the half of it yet.

On the Sunday after I arrived we had a potluck dinner/bb-q here and I sat with Sam Chapman and asked him a few questions about this community and he told me about reading books like "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" and "Quadrant economics" (something like that). He told me how it changed his thinking in regards to finances. He asked me what the first thing paid out of my pay is. TAX. He asked me what the first thing paid out of the revenues a business makes....expenses(bills) and then tax. So in essence you pay less tax and he says that through little things like that (and beleive me...lots in this community is business related...their whole life is ministry business so even the cost of having dogs (security expense) and cats(pest control) is paid for before taxes are. They bought one home and eventually leased it to a Family Trust (not sure how this all works, I am just going from memory and this information is not pieced together very well) and they don't pay the mortgage...the Trust/business does because their home is their ministry...to the poor, to gang members, to people who need to live in a family and remember what it's like to be loved, to laugh with people you can trust and to hold small children in your lap (there are lots of those here). They also have started a pre-school type place that really loves children and does good stuff. There is something else that I have heard whisperings of but i haven't yet figured out what it is.

Anyhow...after a number of years and owning some really small business ventures on top of the big ones, they have managed to buy about 6-8 homes(I haven't quite figured out exactly how many) right beside each other and they've knocked down fences and they literally live with open doors. I really want to figure it out...it will come. I will go and sit with Sam and pick his brain and take notes.

In the meantime..I thought I would share with you some of the faces of my new community. These 3 are the children of Leon (who calls me sis)and Hannah who live next door. Their names are (from oldest to youngest), Canaan, Josiah and Psalm. Psalm came over and she kept chatting to me but I could not understand a word she said...it was all in Maori. Then she kept grabbing fruit and eating bites out of them and then grabbing new ones. I found Josiah after the memorial service, sitting on our back steps in his togs (swim shorts), pouting. When I asked him what was the matter, he said something about everyone else next door having lollies (candy). Obviously he didn't get any. I asked him if he wanted to be big and strong when he grew up and he nodded. I told him that lollies don't make him big and strong. You could see him thinking about that. With a really serious face he looked at me and asked, "Do lollies make you strong?" Nope I told him that meat and veggies and fruit would make him strong. He considered an answer for a moment and then it looked like he was okay with being strong when he grows up and not eating lollies at the moment and he ran back to swim with his cousins. yep.

This weekend I am off with Tania my flatmate to head off somewhere on the island to go to a Discipleship training thing that is designed specifically for Maori. I will get to experience some culture and learn and make new friends! YAY. And someday I will start teaching.

Someday.

Stingray

2008-02-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

Why oh why would I call this post stingray? Well let me tell you.

The day began with me waking up FAR, FAR too early in the morning for someone who just flew and was in transit for a ridiculous amount of time!!! 6:30 am...what?!? I dozed for a few hours and then dragged myself out of bed. We chatted as roomies in the living room for a while and Tabitha invited me to go to Goat Island with her and her boyfriend and another Sherry from Canada who is a teacher and her boyfriend. I thought no, I won't go I will be too tired. Tania invited me to go with her to a pool party that night and in the end I opted to go with Tabitha after all because you only live once and it is the end of summer and who knows what the weather will do later on!

So we hopped in the car and drove about an hour and a half outside of Auckland to go to Goat Island and snorkel. The guy at the rentals gave us a deal because we promised to get our gear back in by a certain time so he wouldn't be late for his next job that was somewhere else. It was cheap as!! (as they say here in NZland). So off we went with our wet suits and snorkels. There were tons of fish! It was great. Once while I was off on my own for a wee bit (which made me a bit nervous), I was kicking my fins and low and behold swimming along on the bottom was a STINGRAY!!! It was HUGE and freaky!! So I quickly backed up and watched it float along from a distance.

We then drove back into the city to have gourmet burgers and hit up a chocolate cafe. Yum. I must say that after eating some food I was ready for bed!! I came home and checked the email and hit the hay. I had a choppy, broken up sleep however because it was so hot and muggy!! Today is the same...hot 27 degrees and 100% humidity for sure!

So tonight we're having a community potluck and I will get to meet everyone hereabouts. good stuff.

On another note, I learned that the community area that I am living in is not the best area in regards to safety etc., so please pray. I am not quite sure how to go out for a run around here! So pray. I am glad to be here nonetheless. The more I have chatted with Tania about community living, I think I am here more for the community aspect rather than for teaching. We'll see what God has up his sleeve!

Birthdays and a Home away from Home

2008-02-09T15:14:00.001-07:00

I arrived here in Auckland, New Zealand on Feb. 8th, my birthday. It was 25 degrees celsius and it was a glorious and beautiful day. I was so tired that I left my gray cardigan and Nolan's novel "Scarlet" on the baggage cart after I loaded up the car with all my luggage. Some nice Kiwis flagged us down and told me that I left the sweater in the cart. I ran out of the car bar footed and grabbed the sweater, but failed to see that I had left the book in the cart as well. It's unfortunate because I only had about 1 or 2 chapters left to read until I was finished it. It was also unfortunate because it was a gift from Melanie to Nolan for Christmas. I feel bad, but it was just a book and thankfully not a camera. Things can go missing when you are tired like that after traveling.

The airport as I have discovered is not very far away. While trying to sleep last night I heard very large planes flying overhead and I wished I had better earplugs. Anyhow, Tania drove me "home" to 8 Atawere Rd. in Manukau, Auckland (far right window is my bedroom ). They had prepared a room for me, newly wall papered (floor still somewhat wet from some spilled water), a comfy bed with a down comforter (not sure why down...it's stinkin' hot to sleep with that!), a desk (for homework or procrastinating), and a shelfy thing for clothes and such. Tania also added a bit of a feminine touch by putting some beautiful tropical flowers in

a really cool vase and a welcome card by my bed. Oh and we can't forget the incense set for a lovely smelling room.

In my attempt to stay awake, I unpacked while Tania went to the grocery store to grab some things for dinner. She cooked dinner and she texted the next door neighbours while cooking to tell them that it was my birthday. Thelma and Sam Chapman came over and gave me big hugs of welcome and birthday wishes and stayed to dinner. It was nice and they sang happy birthday to me in Maori. There is a first time for everything. I met the new roomies Tabitha and Kirsten along with other friends who dropped by and shared a Kiwi desert with us for my birthday!! Pavlova...it was yummy, but very sweet.

I lasted until about 9:20pm and then excused myself from the festivities to go to bed. Sleep is always so sweet after such a long trip and I was looking forward to a deep and long sleep. I climbed into bed and was drifting off to sleep when somewhere in my brain I heard knocking on my door. Low and behold it was NOLAN!!!! He called to wish me a happy birthday! I love him sooo much!! It made my day to hear his voice. It made me feel somewhat homesick but it made me feel so much better about being in a new place and sort of by myself. I felt loved even from afar and not so alone. After a short conversation ( I was trying so hard not to fall asleep!) we said goodbye and I slept. Mmmmmm...sweet sleep.

Planes, planes and more planes

2008-02-07T23:00:00.001-07:00

As I looked up and realized what the digital words and numbers read, my stomach dropped and I began to sweat. Los Angeles, gate C25, flight 287. Hey, wait a cotton pickin' minute!! My boarding pass says-San Fransisco, gate C25, flight 728!! AND...boarding was technically supposed to be 45 minutes ago. I quickly packed up my lap top (I was actually working on my homework) and quickly made my way to the agent desk to make some panicky inquiries. As I stood at the desk and waited I began to picture the scenario in my head. I must have gotten so wrapped up in my homework that I missed the boarding call and missed my flight!! How could I have missed my flight when they never even opened the glass doors into gate C25!?!? I mean, we were all sitting at a different gate looking through the glass at the gate that our flight was supposed to board from. When I did ask the airline employee I was quickly calmed as he stated that I was in the right spot and I hadn't missed my plane. I was so relieved!! I have to admit I wondered for a moment if God's plans had changed and I needed to stay in Calgary. Things that make you go hmmmm.

Anyhow...So that flight left late and when we landed in San Fransisco, I immediately boarded the next plane to Sydney Australia. Once seated I met my row mate, a girl named Kathleen, but I was to call her Kat. She was going on a 3 week vacation to NZ all on her own! We had some good chats. After eating dinner at what was about 12:30am my time, I took a sleep-eze, felt sick for about an hour and then drifted in and out of sleep for a while. SLEEP!!! I actually slept on a plane!!! It was miraculous!! So by the time I arrived in Sydney, I didn't feel completely like garbage, I still felt mostly human being.

Cardboard Dopplegangers

2007-12-30T23:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it! I made a cardboard cut out of myself to give to my mom. Why? You ask why I might give my mom such a gift? Well we live a 10 hour drive away from each other, in different provinces. My mom misses me. I have lived away from my parents for the past 7 years and my mom now regularly asks me when I am going to move home. I have no clue when or if I would be moving home. I need God to give me the direction to move back so in the meantime, I will pursue a job and life where I reside now and my mom will be the laughing recipient of a cardboard doppleganger.

I got the idea from Nolan's friend Trevor who made one of his girlfriend for a Christmas party last year because she lived 3 hours away and couldn't come. So...I thought it would be a good laugh for my mom. I did make a boo boo though. I had 2 of me printed out because it turned out that the first one was about 2-4 inches shorter than I actually am. Well, that's the one I cut out. Oops! I am sure my mom won't mind and maybe the other me will get cut out in the future and come to good use for a practical joke or something (muah ha ha!!).

How do you spell motivation?

2007-12-27T22:04:00.000-07:00

W-E-D-D-I-N-G D-R-E-S-S!!

I think that there are other ways to spell it as well, but at the moment, this is my way to spell it.

I am getting MARRIED in May!! It is exciting and I am sure it will go by in a flash and I can't wait!! If you can believe it, I ordered a dress from China off E-bay. Yep. Risky I know, but if it works out, then I got a steal of a deal on a dress!!! If not...no huge loss and I still have time to order a disgustingly overpriced dress from some retail shop here in Canada that probably buys their dresses for the same price I paid for mine on E-bay! It's sick really how much wedding dresses cost considering it is a wear once type of item. Insane in the membrane.

What else? Oh yeah... I need to fit that dress and look like a seriously hot ticket item. I am sure Nolan already thinks I am the hot ticket item, but the muffin top that I am sporting at the moment makes me feel like I need to hit the gym and start eating better. Of course I am talking about losing some weight, but also I love to be fit!! I like to look good and be able to play a full soccer game or go for a run without feeling like I am going to lose my lungs. I like to feel strong and flexible and healthy. I can't really say that I feel like I fit into any of those categories at the moment, but I will.

I know it sounds like I am making a New Year's resolution but I am not. I am simply making a decision that is wedding and health related that just happens to be around the New Year. The gym is going to be full! Good thing I have a free membership right now at the University that I can take advantage of!! IF only we could find the power cord to the treadmill that lives in our house as well...that would be a bonus! I think I might jump in and sign up for the spinning class that I used to go to twice a week at the university...that class kicked my butt into shape a few years back!

Anyhow...just in case you missed it...I am getting married!!

muah ha ha ha!!!

2007-11-04T14:33:00.000-07:00

Just for fun. I just needed to laugh like that because I wanted to.

I was at a wedding yesterday and boy oh boy...really gets the mind on marriage and you know...wanting to get married and all that jazz. I of course observed the wedding with a close eye and developed ideas of my own for future reference. I might need to start writing things down.

I must say it was a fun wedding and they are going to have some kick ass pictures of the wedding!! They had a number of friends who brought a whole bunch of their gear and took tons of pics...candid and otherwise, but I can't wait to see them!! I definitely want those guys taking pics at my wedding!!!

As for school, the other part of my life; it is busier than freaky busy now. It's just wacko. I think teachers are crazy people who do too much work. Or at least too much work considering how much they are paid. I get about 6 emails each weekend if not more from my partner teacher which give me the distinct impression that she spends the majority of her weekend doing school related work. I went to a wedding this weekend and haven't done much. I did some marking and compiled marks for report cards. I need prep time. Tonight will be prep time for sure. I will hang out with Janice, my fellow grade 2 student teacher friend and we will plan and do our prep together. I love that girl!! Even if we aren't in the same school next year, but if we have the same grade...I still want to do brainstorming and planning with her. They say that 2 minds are better than 1!!

I have been doing what I previously had thought was the impossible. You will never believe it (that is if you know me well and know that I am NOT a morning person). I am getting up a half hour earlier every morning in order to read the Bible with my lover boy. Yep it's true. I have been late a couple of times (no later than 10 minutes), but we are working are way chronologically through the Bible and it's good. He reads out loud to me and I listen with my eyes open or closed(and yes, I am indeed listening and I make a point of making comments on things that stand out to me just so he knows I AM listening and not falling asleep again).

Anyhow....this is life. AND by the way, just in case anyone is curious what I might be giving my mom for Christmas....I am thinking of a lifesize cutout of myself. She misses me lots since I have lived away from home for 7 years now and I thought it would be creative and funny to give ME to her. Even more fun, is the jokes I can play with it when I AM home to visit. muah ha ha ha!!

Life is Good

2007-10-26T19:30:00.001-06:00

Well I am surviving all this teaching stuff even though it's freaky busy!! The teachers that I work with don't seem to take down time very often and me and my friend Janice who are working with them of course feel somewhat obligated to match their work ethics and pace. Wowsers! When I made a comment about it to my partner teacher, she said, "At least we get summers off". YEah...but they are unpaid. When you are getting paid does that mean you have to work 12-14 hours a day all the time? insane in the membrane.

So...I think I am going to go to New Zealand for my practicum next semester. I have made contact with some good peeps there and just need to firm things up and make some agreements and all that jazz and figure out how I am going to pay for it. Maybe I will put in a proposal to my reserve. They might want me to come back and work for them though. I am not ready to move back to BC anytime soon.

Nolan is fantastic. We have talked about the "M" word if you catch my drift (that was for you Heidi).

right now...i am tired and sore. something quacky has been going on with my neck and shoulders and back. I am going to go. bye

No One Ever reads this...

2007-10-09T20:57:00.000-06:00

...so I why do I come and write here? Because it is kind of fun just to write. I can be a blithering idiot, a brilliant philosopher; I can wax poetic here or write in horrible slang and say "like" all the time.

Anyhow...on to better things. I am in love!! Did you know that!? Yep it's true and I can't help but think how freaking amazing God is that he orchestrates these things because He certainly knows that I would not have orchestrated this but....yep. My ways and His ways...not the same thing and He does know better and He chooses better and what I am trying to say is...that I could not possibly have a better guy!! He is the bestest!

So anyhow...I should be preparing for science class tomorrow. Love unfortunately doesn't stop time or make homework,work and things you don't really want to do go away. I wish it did. I also wish that love could make it so you don't need as much sleep because I am stupid and will not sleep in order to hang out with Nolan. You would think that I didn't see him everyday but the fact is...I can't seem to get enough of him. Can you get enough of a good thing? Well...I guess you can sometimes, especially if the good thing is crinkle cut french fries with seasoning salt. If you keep eating them, you will get VERY full and you may have a sore spot on your tongue from too much seasoning salt and you might get really thirsty. So you get enough of the good thing (fries) until it is time to have them again. In my case with Nolan...can't get enough. I love to hang out with him and talk and laugh and pray and yes...cry (you all know what a cry baby I am, especially when I pray), and hike, bike, climb and such things as these.

We haven't really had a disagreement yet...like-minded or rose coloured glasses? Maybe when we finally do it will be a real biggie and maybe that will make it fun instead of just mad or something...you know...like one of those big blowouts when both people wave their fists, yell really, really dumb things, stamp their feet, huff and then start laughing because they've made idiots of themselves over something that was really little in the first place. I think he would just make me laugh...or he would shush me with a kiss. Tell me now...who wouldn't like to be shushed with a kiss? I apparently have been already and didn't even know it. I just like being kissed who am I kidding!

Bye No one!

"A Sporting Chance"

2007-07-22T18:44:00.000-06:00

Did I ever mention that I am a tad bit competitive? Yes, it's true, I am. Whether it is a simple little things like a card game, Boggle or bigger things like soccer games, rock climbing or WATER FIGHTS.

This particular day began with fun on the trampoline avec Nolan. I must admit that I was a bit hesitant because I am scared of being double bounced because I usually think that I am going to fly out of control and off of the trampoline. So I did my best to control being bounced and of course took breaks and let Nolan jump. Eventually we were lying in the sun on the tramp talking and as per usual Nolan gets quiet and simply looks at me. And of course, as per usual, my curiosity kills me and I HAVE to ask him what he's thinking. We go through this routine on a very regular basis. However, Nolan simply smiled at whatever thought was lurking in his head. Of course I almost always ask him what he is smiling about, but he beat me to it and asked me if I wanted him to show me what he was thinking about. I foolishly said yes.

Well...he jumped off the trampoline and proceeded to turn on the outdoor faucet. Okay, I thought, a bit of water from the sprinkler while on the trampoline...that's fine. As he walked back toward the tramp, he stopped and pulled the sprinkler to himself and started to unattach it. uh oh! I got a soaking! I tried to get away and then I thought maybe he would stop after a bit. Nope. So what can you do? He's bigger, he's stronger, he's faster...you grab the hose and you fold it in half to stop the water. Respite. Of course then it turned into a bit of a wrestling match. I was too nice I have decided. Had he been my brother I am sure I would have tried to kick him and trip him and thrown a few punches, but with Nolan, I didn't. Anyhow...I got more soaking and I did at one point get the hose away from him but was not fast enough to retaliate before he got the hose back. The best way to make it stop...change the subject. We did have to go to the Sun and Salsa Festival...and I did have to use up some free money before we went. So off we went our separate ways.

I promptly went into the house and grabbed a 4 gallon bucket and began to fill it with water. My plan was to hide around the corner of the house and douse him when he was on his way inside. I could hear him covering the trampoline and then I thought of the things he left on the lawn: his wallet, his keys and his cell phone. Hmmm...would water wreck his cell phone? Or his car alarm thing? Maybe I shouldn't throw water at him. Hmmmm. I went back inside and put the bucket down. I picked it up again and went outside and then returned inside again and put it back down and stood by the door waiting for him to come in.

"You were covering the trampoline?" I asked innocently.
"Yes", he replied.
"Did you pick up your things off the grass?"
"Yes"
"Did you have your cell phone with you too?"
"Yes"
I am sure he thought my line of questioning was silly or dumb or random.

"Oh...your cell phone saved your life", I told him in a voice that told him just how lucky he was.
"from the bucket of water behind you?", he asked me. Of course from the bucket of water and I expained to him how I was going to douse him but didn't want to get his cell phone. He said he would have done it anyway. He then asked me if I didn't need to get going to Shopper's Drugmart. I replied in a sassy voice saying,"I am not walking away from this bucket of water until you do". We both stood and looked at each other for a moment before he bent over and picked up both me and the bucket of water and proceeded toward the bathroom, in which I surmised he planned to give me yet another thorough dousing. I used my limbs to prevent our entry into the bathroom. I propped my feet against the door frame and pushed us away, I used my hands, my knees. Nolan changed angles, pulled at my hands and feet in attempts to disconnect my body from the door frame but it was to no avail. He then put the bucket of water on the counter in order to subdue my limbs and we thus entered the washroom. As we entered, oh how handy!! A bucket of water was sitting on the counter at just the right height that I could grab it and dump it on the mostly dry Nolan Archer. ha! ha! retaliation complete! I was satisfied and left with a grin on my face.

However, I learned later that Nolan had given me a "Sporting Chance" and so that leads me to believe that his placement of the bucket onto the counter as opposed to setting it on the floor was intentional. Hmmmm. Not sure what I think.

Growing up as a Tomboy, I had to fight to be an equal with the boys. Bike tag wasn't for sissies, if you got knocked over you didn't cry out, "Hey! You can't puch that hard, I'm a girl!!". you simply got up and started chasing because you were it and you would push just as hard when you were tagging. You caught frogs with the best of them and would even catch garter snakes. In soccer, you learned to hit (by hit I mean shoulder check) hard, you know, take a good run at it, get some good speed to hit with because you had to make up for being a small light weight. So...competitive, you bet!! Need to win at everything? nope. you gotta know when to just have fun and when to try and kick someone's butt. I am sure some day I will have an equal opportunity moment to kick Nolan's butt at something...I might have to employ tactics other than speed and strength, but I can make up for it with my wiley ways and sneak tactics.

But hey...thanks for the sporting chance!

Chez Moi

2007-07-13T11:18:00.000-06:00

I am home and have been here for almost 3 weeks now and although travelling, adventuring and learning things in new places is fun and exciting, it is sweet to be home. Home is the place that allows me to experience REAL rest. When I am away I get enough sleep and I enjoy myself, but it is here at home that I can once again feel like I don't have to move, I can be 100% myself (not just 99.9% and the 0.01% actually tires you out as you unconciously or conciously seek to protect yourself from the unknown parts of all the new people you meet...at least until you trust them).

I love home, I love my "family" here and despite all of our ups and downs over this past year I have cherished this home and the people. We are changing though and it makes me sad in some ways. I look forward to the new things and people with a scared, wary type of anticipation (it still includes the exciting, "what is coming next" type of anticipation too...you know the type that you have before opening a gift).

I think I love home because I love just BEING and I can do that here. Even when I have things to do, like filing (filing schmiling...it can wait), or organizing all my cd's (that can wait too....I am more important than my cd's), or practicing french, practicing guitar, trying to find all the book keeping stuff....things I need to do, should do...will get done, but right now....I will BE. I love it. even if I was working full time this summer...I would most certainly not fill my evenings with organizing cd's...I would relax, read a book, try tennis, lie in the hammock and let the world just be the world and for a time (an hour maybe more), let it just pass me by. And in my mind, talk to God, drift into a peaceful, dozy, sort of, maybe sleep, but can still kinda hear the world around me.

But...then comes September and then the time to BE becomes overshadowed by school assignmments (okay...it's not so much the assignment as it is the accompanying stress that does the overshadowing). Stress...I need YOU God to help me deal with stress better. I hate being a stress ball, it changes how I act, feel, percieve and all that jazz. Help me to BE in the middle of busyness.

And what does the future look like? here, there? You, me, them? Daily practical thingamajiggers (I forget what they are called, but I know what I mean). I am curious to see what Chez Moi will look like in a month and a half from now. I will let you reveal it God.

In Contention...

2007-06-25T09:54:00.000-06:00

I think the actual longest day of my life was when Nolan and I missed the plane home from Gatwick in the UK, but Thursday, June 21st is now in the running for being one of the longest days of my life. Here is an extract from my journal that I wrote while driving...I HAD to start writing otherwise I would have jumped out of the car while laughing hysterically and since NO DYING is rule #1 I instead had to write and laugh hysterically.

Today was potentially the longest day of my life. I am told thought that one day driving through Ontario is likely to rival today and any other day that sits on my "longest day of my life" list.

Today would never have made the list, however, a number of small details that manad\ged to all happen in the surrounding 24 hours pushed this day into contention. It's funny how small details can change a whole day. For example, the weird french lady who came into the hostel room at 3am, snored all night long and switched beds at her leisure...she changed the whole night. Extrememly squeaky bedsprings, another small detail that doesn't promote a good night's sleep. Neither does a window that doesn't close when a pub is 2 doors down the road and people never really know how loud they are when they are drunk. Alcohol must effect our auditory system and cause temporary hearling loss, thus requiring everyone to yell- much to my chagrin and sleeplessness.

Of course it doesn't help matters when one chooses to stay out late, drink beverages and practice your french with Quebecois people all the while a very loud band is playing Irish folk tunes and dancing fools spill their beers down your back.

As you sit inthe moment of decision, I find that often enjoying the moment; living in the now, winds over what some might call common sense. I say you only live once and sometimes you need to make the non-sensical decision and seize the day (or the night as it was).

Small detail, let's call it #6...drinking a second beverage and being the owner of a small bladder...bad news because it means less sleep. Getting into the car at 8am knowing you've made a prior decision to drive 1100-ish kilometres seems extremely painful and of course it is going to be a long day. #8-leaving without breakfast. Tired and hungry, not a combination that I am especially good at. #9...forgetting to call Moncton friends to tell them you need to get into their house to pick up your belongings and they work so....will the door be open or locked? Dear Lord, favour please, let the door be open. It also helps if MAYBE, just maybe the navigator and the driver discuss the route of choice for travelling westward. If the driver has one route in mind, but the navigator thinks we"re going a different way the...the lefts and rights we take, just might be the long way! oops...tired minds don't operate at 100%.

So 12.5 hours later we are still driving and we are in good spirits despite the fact we are running on very little sleep, 3 bowls of fruit loops, 1 bottle of gatorade, 1 shared powerbar, 1 side of friens and chicken nuggets, 2 lifesavers, 2 oranges and a bit of trail mix that desperately needs more chocolate in it. OH! and 1 cup of coffee and 1 iced cap...neccessito today!

We have laughed hysterically (I was actually beginning to think that Kim was losing her mind), we've attempted to believe our own lies ("It will only feel like 1/2 hour"), we've worshipped God, listened to good music and cursed Ontario drivers (who were actually driving the speed limit in Quebec which no good Quebecois ever does!) All in all it was a good long day. All I can think about now it a real meal, a real bed and a real shower and seeing some really good friends tomorrow.

Painful things...

2007-06-11T19:27:00.000-06:00

So...last week we had to do this thing that I wasn`t looking forward to. We had worked on a legend...creating a legend based on a photo of sometype of landmark here in Riviere-du-Loup. Once we were finished the legend, we had to make preparations for decorating a kiosk type thing because we would be performing our legend for the fine folks of RDL!! yep. Speaking a ton of french at one time to a heck of a lot of Francphones. J'ai été très nerveuse! I ended up being assigned the storyteller. Gee what a surprise!! I wrote most of the story and I was the most familiar with the storyline, so when I read it, I was animated, knew when to stress certain words etc...so...I read a 3 minute story about 10 -13 times really loudly for many, many people. I must admit prior to completing this evening of legend-telling I was an extremely reluctant to participate. Mostly because it made me feel like an elementary school kid who was putting together something for a science fair that everyones parents were going to come and check out and then it would be judged by someone. I rebelled against the who school kid thing. I had a rotten attitude. About an hour before we began, I thought...this could be painful and annoying or I can just decide to have fun. I decided to have fun. I was still really nervous though. Before I began the first run, I actually told our listeners that I was really nervous and they all smiled friendly, welcoming smiles and so I began. It was fun. I became more and more animated, and storyteller-like as we went along. I raised my voice, waved my hands, changed my tone, used different facial expressions...it was great! I also thought that I might lose my voice, but I didn`t. At the end of the night I found out we were actually being judged. I did notice a number of our instructors stopping and listening to many of the stories, but thought they just wanted to check it out. Anyhow...the long and short of the story...my group won for the best french and pronunciation!! YAY!! we got a gift certifcate for a great restaurant here in town. anyhow...

Tomorrow is my #2 on the list of Painful things...a debate about whether canada has a culture or not....in french. I hate formal debates in english and gee...sounds like fun to try and do one in french. We'll see...maybe I will decide to have fun.

I have to go study...I have tons of stuff to know for my 2 exams coming up and not enough time to actually get a good study in because they keep filling our time with stuff. Good stuff...like a weekend trip to Quebec city...good stuff. More on that later!!

out like trout.

The end is coming

2007-06-06T17:58:00.001-06:00

The end is always coming, that is simply the way that time works. Life begins and it ends. A day begins and it ends. L'École Français begins and it will end. At the beginning when the first few days felt incredibly long due the the absolutely massive amounts of new information (that's immersion for you!), my brain was tired, my body was tired and I thought the end would never come. As time went by, the days began to pass more quickly due to the fact that my working knowledge of french improved and I didn`t feel quite as overwhelmed at I had the first few days. From this moment, I look forward and the end seems to be a bit too close and time passing a bit too quickly for my liking. I have learning a lot and am so happy to be here right now and wish my french was better (but we did speak a lot of english when no one was listening {by no one I mean the instructors} and so it didn`t feel like a total, total immersion, just a "mostly" immersion). Anyhow...I only have 4 or 5 days left of classes (that includes the classes that I am simply sitting and writing my exams in). Well as they say, "Time flies when you`re having fun!"

This weekend we are heading to Québec city. I am excited to go and check things out again. I have heard some excited whispers that I hope amount to more than wishful thinking, that Circe du Soleil is performing for free somewhere in Québec city. If this is indeed the truth, we must track it down!

Oh...so what else is new...I got my midterm marks back and passed with some pretty flying colours!! I am a happy camper!

I am really, vraiment, vraiment looking forward to driving around the Martimes with Kim, mais elle pense que elle ne peut pas parce que elle n'ai pas l'argent maintenant. hmmmm. I just cancelled my flights last night and jeepers, this would just through a wrench in my plans (I learned the french equivalent for this saying yesterday but I forget. Something like, jamming a stick in someone's wheel{like a bike wheel and sending them flying}). Anyhow...

I haven`t made myself laugh really really hard lately because I haven`t said anything so incrediblly silly or walked into the wrong bathroom or anything. Jamie a guy in my class makes me laugh all the time though. He has sense of humour and a funny laugh that makes me laugh at silly things. For example...we had to make up an invention the other day and create an advertisement for it, which used imperatives. We invented the Bandeau de téléphone. It was great!! Jamie was our cheesy salesman. He side slicked his hair and cut out a tie from construction paper and stapled it to his shirt for our presentation. How can you not laugh at that! Anyhow...

Like I said before...the end is coming. BUT...I want to keep learning and practicing french.

Sherry in English now...

2007-05-28T10:05:00.000-06:00

I have no idea how that happened, but somehow my blog ended up being translated into Hindi which was an option on here I couldn`t figure out how to change it back into english so...here is somewhat of a shorter version of what I said in the last post. I said...I am that person. The one who is learning english and doesn`t yet know how to speak in correct tenses and says things like, " I am went to the store (using the word that means a grocery store) tomorrow to bought a shoe me for". Yep..I am Manon (the incredible french woman I am living with) finds me really, really , really funny with all the mistakes I make when I open my mouth to speak french. I called her yesterday from Quebec city because we were going to be late coming home and I was elected to phone home and speak french. Yep...I am sure the conversation went something like this:

M: Bonjour!
S: Bonjour Manon, cèst Sherry
M: Oui, allo Sherry!!
S: Nous avons en tard (We are late)
M: (silent pause)
S: uhm...Nous avons dan Quebec maintenant (we are in Quebec right now)
M: ...she finishes the sentence for me, gettingmy drift that we are gonig to be late...
S: Maintenant cèst 4:30 et...
Manon finishes the sentence again...laughing. ok.

So...I laugh. And the other day I tried to tell her that she is welcome in Calgary anytime and instead I told her she is welcome in Calgay sometimes...like maybe only on sundays!?! we laughed so hard once eveyone at the dinner table let me figure out what I had actually said and everyone knew what I meant to say and we laughed and laughed and laughed until our tummies hurt and we coudln`t breathe. And then we laughed some more until I almost peed my pants! Oh it was great.

Yesterday was Manon`s b-day!! It was great to spend the evening with her, but I wish we had spent the day with her and planned fun things and decorated the house and had gone all out for her. Last night she told us how important it was to her that we were there with her. Her and her significant other broke it off last summer (I think he was cheating) and holidays etc. being alone has been hard for her and she cried a number of times, touched by our words and actions.

Last night we all sat in the hot tub and we sang songs together (french and english) and told Manon what an amazing woman we think she is. She is such a doll. I wish I had a better vocabulary in french so I could really tell her how much I like her and appreciate her.

Anyhow...I have a test this week...2 actually, midterms, one oral one written...oooohhhh! I am nervous! But my instructor is a sweetheart so no reason to be nervous and I am not doing this french school for credit, but for myself so what does it matter!?

AND...I might be able to travel after the school is over!! MIGHT. My friend Kim has a car here and wants to visit the Maritimes and needs to return to Alberta after for work so...perhaps a bit of a tour and then a drive home!!?? Who knows. WE`ll see what happens.

ई ऍम ठाट परसों...यू क्नोव थे वन...

2007-05-28T09:55:00.001-06:00

ओकय रंदोम...एवेर्य्थिंग ई टाईप इस चंगिंग इन्तो अ दिफ्फेरेंत लंगुअगे ओं थे स्क्रीन राईट बेफोरे मय एयेस ऎंड ई डॉन`त क्नोव वहत लंगुअगे इत इस...इत लूकस लिके सोम इंडियन लंगुअगे पेर्हप्स?? ई ऍम नॉट सुर इफ मय ब्लोग विल कॉम आउट इन इंग्लिश ओर सोमेथिंग फॉरेन तो उस अल। होऊ बॉय! वी`रे इन फ़ॉर अ सुर्प्रिसे पुएत इतर। ई वास जुस्त गोइंग तो सय ठाट ई ऍम थे परसों ठाट वी हवे अल लेंकोउत्नेरेड इन कनाडा व्हो इस लीर्निंग इंग्लिश। थे वन व्हो डेसं`त येत हवे अल ओफ्ठे तेंसेस कोर्रेच्त ऎंड सय्स थिंग्स लिके, "ई ऍम वेंत तो थे स्टोर (उसिंग थे वर्ड ठाट मांस अ ग्रोसर्य स्टोर) येस्तेर्दय फ़ॉर तो बौघ्त शोए मे फ़ॉर"... ओर सोमेतिंग लिके ठाट!! ई हवे सैद सोम प्रेत्त्य फुन्न्य थीं जस ई ऍम प्रेत्त्य दर्नेद सुर। ई वास त्र्यिंग तो तेल मय फ्रेंच "मॉम" व्हो इस अ ३७ येअर ओल्ड होत, चिक, कूल वूमन, ठाट शे इस वेल्कोमे तो कॉम तो काल्गार्य अन्य्तिमे!! वहत ई इंदेद उप सयिंग वास ठाट शे इस वेल्कोमे सोमेतिमेस। नॉट अन्य्तिमे...जुस्त सोमेतिमेस...लिके पेर्हप्स ओनली ओं सुन्दय्स। अन्य्होव...वी अल लौघेद उन्तिल वी कोउल्दं`त ब्रेअठे ऎंड थें सोम मोरे। मोरे लिके उन्तिल ई अल्मोस्त पेड मय पंट्स। सो फुन्न्य। बुत....नेच्सस्सितो!!! अन्य्होव...ई`म आउट लिके त्रौत। लेटर स्कतेर्स.

le mauvais salle de bain

2007-05-24T10:18:00.000-06:00

Today I went into the wrong bathroom. It was soooooo drôle!!! I didn`t notice when I went in that it was the mens' room because I immediately turned towards the stalls and the urinals went entirely unnoticed. Of course when I exited the stall, I noticed the urinals and started to laugh like crazy!! Thankfully there were no guys at any of the urinals when I came out, otherwise that would have been awkward and embarrassing. On my way out the the bathroom, one of the other students was on his way in and he looked surprised for just one small moment and then he started to laugh as well. I walked all the way back to my classroom laughing at myself.

I have been laughing at myself a lot! A lot, a lot. What can you do when you say the wrong thing in french because you inserted one wrong word that changed the entire meaning of your phrase?? Laugh until your stomach hurts, let others laugh with and at you and then once you've calmed down start laughing again until you almost pee your pants and can`t breathe. Yep...true story. I love laughing and I have been laughing tons here and I am sure it has kept me from losing my mind. If I was unable to laugh at myself, I would indeed be incredibly frustated and probably grumpy. By the way, I saw a t-shirt yesterday that had Oscar the grouch on it that said "grouchy guys are cool" and I wanted to buy it, but then I thought I don`t need to buy a t-shirt that will justify grumpiness, I just need to get over it when I am grumpy, change my attitude and persepctive. Anyhow...I should go and eat my lunch and be sociable and talk poor french with other peeps who know more than me.

à bientôt!

Vive la Québéc!!

2007-05-23T19:12:00.001-06:00

I love it here, I love learning french, I have fabulous roomies and a more than fabulous house to live in with an extremely welcoming, bubbly, fun-loving lady who is crazy and laughs a lot (sometimes at my french and definintely at how visible it is that the wheels in my head are contantly turning trying to figure how to say something in french). Acutally she thinks I am a perfectionist and on the last day here all of a sudden I will blurt out a full commentary en francais! Anyhow...it`s so great and I am so thankful to be here and wow...if only I had more time right now to talk about it!! I have to go but tomorrow perhaps I will post more so you peeps have a better idea of my life in french.

The middle of no where (May 11th more)

2007-05-14T20:20:00.000-06:00

I booked the rest of my trip tonight...trains and planes to and fro. The think with booking travel stuff in and out of Riviere du Loup is that because it is in the middle of no where, it has no priority on transit arrival and departure times. So...I leave Montreal at 6:30pm and arrive in RdL at 12:08 in the morning. Yep. There will be a bus waiting to pick students up which is nice.

I booked my train ride out of Rdl as well and it leaves at 2:15 am on june 15th and arrive in Montreal at 8:30, in time for me to get to the airport for my flight to Toronto. Then on the 18th home again, home again jiggety jig and Nolan and Pam and friends and my bed. amen to that!

Fatigue and Plane rides

2007-05-14T20:10:00.000-06:00

May 11th....

This is the beginning of my journey to learn french! yesterday it was semi-real and today reality has set in. This morning and during the flight, i was far too tired to care if it was real. Now here I am in the Montreal aerogare at Tim Horton's drinking une moyen ice cap and waiting for Stephanie. I badly wanted to know how to order in french..une moyen ice cap was my guess et un salade aux oeufs aussi. hmmm. that's my guess could be right could be wrong.

i have many feelings couring through me and a myriad of thoughts. Both my thoughts and feelings are floating around a loose theme of fear and anxiety.

I feel isolated and a bit lonely already, but God you know where I am here and you are with me. I am never alone, you do not leave me or forsake me. thank you for making this trip possible for me. You knew my desire to learn french and the affection that I have for Quebec. I ask for your favour here as an english speaker. I ask to be received with kindness and your favour.

I am anxious about figuring out the train to Riviere du Loup. You Lord order my steps, prepare my way and mark my path. direct me, guide me and reveal to me the details i need.

I am fearful that learning french won't stick or i won't get the idea-the way the language works. Father please teach me yourself. You created the languages and they are yours to give. your Holy Spirit is my teacher-work in my mind and my spirit to teach me french.

Father I am looking forward to the next number of weeksnot only tolearn french, but in my isolation from those who know me and with the difficulties of communication that are up and coming, i can speak to you and you can speak to me. My desire is to DELIGHT MYSELF IN YOu!!

I don't really know how to do this, but I want to know. I want to behold your face and dwell in your house.

Father give me dreams and visions and tongues in French. Please.

Lord soften my heart again please. thank you again for loving me, for calling me Beloved. Please continue teaching me of your love.

Sigh...

2007-05-07T15:16:00.000-06:00

That was a tired sigh. Sometimes you have a sigh and it's a really good one; it signifies contentment. My sigh today is one of fatigue and frustration.

I accidentally created a username and password on a Simply Accounting file that I need to access. I was exploring as I was trying to problem solve after sending the file to an accountant for some help (my mom). She couldn't open the file because it had a password. Funny, I never gave the file a password. While we attempted to trouble shoot, I looked at how creating a password worked and I guess in the process actually created one. I thought I had gone through the motions but didn't actually go through with it. Bummer. Now I have no idea what the username and password are so...can't access the file and can't work on it, which stresses me out. I don't like being stressed out, especially when I am also tired and sick. Why do those 3 things often come hand in hand?

So I sigh and want to take a nap, but the priority of getting this work done by Thursday night is HIGH and so I must press on.

Jesus please help me.

Wouldn't You like to Know

2007-04-24T11:06:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I would like to know too.

well...today is a new day and I figured out some more of the technological little things about Blogger that are important. So the not so secret secret lives on in cyberspace. Yes...wouldn't you like to know?!? Maybe you do (nolan) and that's okay and if you don't...well that's okay too and you won't get any more out of me.

aaahhhh. Life is good, even when you accidentally stay up way too late.

How many times?

2007-04-18T16:44:00.000-06:00

I read a novel this week called When Heaven Weeps. It made me cry a number of times and reminded me of another novel that I have read many times and it too made me cry. The theme of both books was about the love of God for us: his Bride. Unfortunately, although we are his bride I think we fail to understand how he loves us. At times I am unsure that we even comprehend that he loves us at all, despite how he has displayed his affections for us. Somehow in the middle of enjoying the fruits of his love, I think we often take his love forgranted and eventually the fruits are no longer attached to his love and somehow, we forget he loves us!! How insane is that?

I live in an amazing house, I have amazing friends he has given to me, I was born to incredible parents who are gifts from the Lord, I have so much and it is all from the Lord and sometimes I actually believe that these things are because of me. I have great friends because I am something! I got into school because I am really smart. I live well because I am good with money. NO, no, no. I have these things because of his love for me; these are the provisions from his hands because he loves me. He does not give me a rock when I ask for bread; he loves me.

On Monday night God reminded me of his love. It wasn't just a matter of memory or recall, but it was an experience of his love and it was him answering a prayer that I had prayed a couple of months ago. God's instrument of choice in this experience...Nolan. Actually, God has repeatedly used Nolan for revealing his love, but in this case it was very poignant, hit the target and I was overwhelmed to the point of tears. Love was suddenly a reality, not just words or something akin to head knowledge, but it was real; tangible, felt, palpable. I wondered why it takes so long to understand and why God has to say it and display his love so many times before I actually hear it AND believe it. It became real again...his love for me; his tender, passionate, desirous love for me.

It's overwhelming. How can we comprehend love?

The Old Password/Username Dilemna

2007-04-06T17:23:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted anything here for a coon's age. It was many many moons ago that I last graced this blog. Why am I back now? I am not sure. For fun.

I was entertaining the notion of deleting this blog, but I haven't yet made a firm decision on that yet. Instead I will write a bit more just for fun. I think after the effort it took to try and get to this blog again warrants that I write for a bit longer before it disappears into the cyber-blackhole. I had a heck of a time trying to remember my username and my password to get into this blog. I went through the ol' trusty names and words that are old hat to me but alas, they did me no service. It was quite frustrating, but after many attempts here I am victorious and triumphant!!

So...here I am over a year later and that's pretty much all there is to it. Life has gone on and I am NOT going to try to write it all in a nutshell because it would be one heck of a nutshell and I think I would go crazy trying to write it all down. Instead, I will just say that life is good. I am almost finished my school year (B.Ed, 1st year), I am going to study french, I live in a big house with lots of friends (community living), I am myself again and I can't wait for summer. Oh and I am a rock climber not too; still a hack on the rocks, but I can hold my own.

I am looking forward to: going to my parents in the summer and hanging out at the beach; wearing summer clothes and getting a tan; driving around with my sunroof open and listening to loud music and singing along (and seat dancing); maybe playing soccer again and getting my lazy ass back in shape; reading some good books by myself and maybe with friends in the park; learning how to play the guitar (learning how to be disciplined enough to practice so I will actually progress); discovering what God has to say to me about my life, life in general and himself. Of course I am looking forward to many more things, but that's a start.

Okay bye.

My Mom...and other things

2005-11-21T11:30:00.000-07:00

I just dropped my mom off this morning at the airport to fly back to the Westcoast after a 5 day visit. It's funny how when we spend so much time together we get a bit tetchy, but the second she'd gone through the doors into security at the airport, tears sprung into my eyes and I didn't want to let her go. I love my mom so much. It makes me so sad to know how unhealthy her heart and her lungs are. The air here in Calgary is so dry and it was pretty chilly when she first arrived and trying to breath she had tears in her eyes and I was scared that I would have to take her to the hospital. I am so thankful that for the 5 days that she was here the weather was uncharacteristically warm, otherwise it would have been quite difficult for her to be here.

I am quite disappointed with myself as I look back on the 5 days my mom was here. I cherish my mom, but I am not sure that she would know it by how I behaved. When my mom was slow (she needs to walk slowly as not to tax her heart and lungs or breathing becomes difficult), I would be annoyed. When she coughed or needed to smoke (she's quitting and is smoking 1/3 of what she used to. It's very hard, she began smoking when she was 13 and nicotine is more addictive than cocaine, don't judge her), I was short and abrupt and sometimes downright rude. I think this has been my coping method for years and years. My worst nightmare has been that my mom would die young due to smoking and all the complications it brings, and then when I needed her most she wouldn't be here to love me and to be loved. Who would help me get ready for my wedding (someday), and tell me all the little things I need to know about being a mom?? It scares the shit out of me to think that she might not be around for my whole life. So when I get all annoyed at her habit that has stolen so much LIFE from her is pisses me off more than I can express and it hides all the fear. If I didn't get annoyed and angry, I would cry all the time and be filled with worry. BUT...the thing is...my annoyance and anger is with the HABIT not her, but I am afraid that it seems like I am annoyed and angry with her. Mom I am not angry with you.

Lord, as I write this I am filled with fear and I need to know that you have my mom in the palm of your hand and that you will protect her and keep her. Dear Jesus please, will you heal her? I beg you Jesus to restore life to her. And please help me not to be scared, but to trust in you so deeply that all my fear is swallowed up by your love so I no longer will any fear that I need to hide by anger and annoyance and can just love my mom.

Lost and not Found

2005-10-06T11:21:00.000-06:00

Well I had an incredibly deep post all typed out that bared my heart and soul for all the www to see and hit some obscure button and lost it. Now all you get is this. The typing was cathartic and now have no need to write it all out again. That or it still freaks me out to type stuff like that for people to actually see. You'll never know now!! Cheers.

Gallavanting and Homecomings

2005-10-03T17:01:00.000-06:00

I left this fine conitinent that I live on and went to another. I left a couple of weeks ago for Germany and England, to go to some meetings and a conference and see some friends. It was good. That's really all I have to say about it. I met some really fantastic people and saw some neat places, but am I so incredibly happy to be home.

You know the saying, "Home is where the heart is"? Well I think it's true. My heart was in Germany and the UK for a bit, and I remember when it was in Portugal and Spain. Near the end of my trip, my heart was at home and I wasn't there, so I was left longing for home. When I say home I don't necessarily mean home the geograpic location, (but that is part of it), I mean the people you love and connect with...they are what makes up home for me. As an example, I consider myself to have 2 homes. Where I grew up is where all of my family and old friends lives and that's what I call "home home". Calgary, where I live now is "home" and here lives my newer friends and the girls that I've adopted as sisters. The last time I travelled, I was with two of my adopted sisters and so home was partly wherever we happened to be at the time. I did miss the rest of home, but I could handle being away from it for longer because of the part of home that was with me. Are you following my drift here?

Anyways...I was extremely excited the day I was to catch my plane and come home. Of course as Murphy's Law exists and comes alive during just such a time, it would have me miss my flight home so I had to endure another 24 hours apart from my beloved home. Yes, I missed my flight and I did in fact feel like I was in a movie and it wasn't really happening to me. It turned out that is was real life however, and I found myself facing many long hours in which to occupy myself until my replacement flight took my home. Well at least it took me close to home. It took me to Edmonton then I had a 3 hour drive until I hit home. I would have hated to be the guy in the movie, "The Terminal". I found that airports are incredibly noisy in the wee hours of the morn when you'd think it might be a tad peaceful. I would have gone and slept in the chapel if they would have let me, but they said they didn't encourage it and apparently a nice officer strolled through periodically through the night. Well thank goodness for comfy Starbucks chairs. All you have to do is push two of them together and voila!...you have a makeshift bed.

I thought periodically throughout my unexpected extra day in England, "I'm too old for this shit." Meaning I should just fork over the money and get a hotel, but instead I resorted to flawed logic. If I just stayed in the airport for the night, not only could I be sure that I wouldn't miss another plane, I would be sooo stinkin' tired that I would be able to sleep on the plane ride home. I had tried taking gravol to sleep on the way to England but it had no effect. And if staying up for a bazillion hours didn't work, I could still try gravol again and if that didn't work, there was always the nice little bottle of alcohol that I bought.

I didn't sleep one lick of sleep. I tried all of the above and I have come to the conclusion that my body simply rejects airplane sleep. Next time I am going to take whatever cold medication my friend Daniel took when he conked out in his bathroom while shaving only to wake up later asleep on his bathroom floor and the batteries in his shaver were dead. Give me some of that!!

So HOME!!! I am home and I am loving it!! It has been snaining (snowing/raining) today and I don't even care!! I am just absolutely delighted to be home. Thank you God for getting me home.

Cheeky Weather

2005-09-09T17:42:00.000-06:00

I am of two minds today. Actually that's true of most days, but today I am of two minds in regard to the weather. A part of me (the one that grew up on the West coast), is really happy to see it raining. I love the smell of the earth when it is rained on. The other part of me loathes the idea of summer ending and winter coming. I think I was made for warmer climates. There is also a part of me that looks forward to blizzardy days that leave behind a snow-blanketed world that seems to be covered in mystery and silence. I think it's the romantic part of me that likes this because I imagine walking hand-in-hand with someone and then sitting by a nice warm fire cuddling. Actually the romantic part of me likes something about every season because they each hold images of romance.

So it's still raining and instinctively I want to do something warm and cozy and be lazy. Could someone install a hot tub in my back yard please? Or a fireplace in my house? Pretty please?

Many moons

2005-09-07T17:24:00.000-06:00

It has been many moons since I last wrote here. I have not been inspired to write of late. That's a lie; I have been inspired, but I have not been willing to write because the things in my mind seemed too personal to expose to the world wide web and my friends that read this spot. I am still hesitant to write, but nonetheless find myself here to add another entry.

Life is beautiful. Life is confusing. Sometimes life is ugly. I mostly live in a life that is beautiful. Right now I feel like I am in the beautiful camp and the confusing camp. We are complex people, with insanely instricate minds and personalities and it's no wonder that life can sometimes be confusing. You put us together with other people and our intricacies overlap creating something of beauty, wonder and things we cannot wrap our minds around, but look at in awe and intense curiousity. Things that make you go hmmmmm.

What does my future hold? Does it have you in it?

My Mistake

2005-05-25T23:41:00.000-06:00

So I had the lyrics to the one line that I thought I remembered, wrong. Funnily enough though, they were close enough that a friend recognized it(despite my BAD, BAD rendition of faking my way through the line and humming some of the tune[except it was off tune]). Thank the good Lord for friends who know lots of songs!! So I am a happy camper for now until the next song comes along to drive me nuts!!

Okay new topic...so I found out today that the Queen was in town. I don't really know what she was doing here and what all the hubbub was about but hey...she's the queen. Honestly, with no offence meant to my fine British friends, I don't really have any sort of affinity for the queen or any of the royal family for that matter. As a Canadian I feel the queen and family are far too removed from the reality of who we are here. On the other hand I recognize the HUGE influence they've had on the shaping of the Canadian government. I can't dismiss that, but in my day to day life, I can't say that I can identify in any way, shape or form with the Royal family or the roles they play in this world. I also must claim ignorance because honestly, I don't really know what they do besides look pretty, wave nicely and smatter the press occassionally. If any of my British friends feels inclined to educate me, please do.

Next on my list of things to chat about...I wish I knew what I am doing...become a mailperson ( I still like to say mailman...sorry if that offends anyone since it's not a gender equal title), become a reading teacher, go back to school and get a masters in Ed., keep on keeping on...become a superhero with the fantastic power of being able transport people to the exact spot where they would like to fall asleep. Just in case you're curious, this wish for such an odd power comes from my experience as a little kid who still had the WHOLE drive home before she could fall asleep even though she was VERY tired and wanted to sleep now and always wished she could be like Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ and click her heels and say, "There's no place like bed!". Speaking of bed...

One last thing...Has anyone read Neuromancer?

Crazy Like That

2005-05-09T00:25:00.000-06:00

The title really has nothing to do with me coming back online and blogging again. The title is lyrics in a song I am looking for but cannot find. I hate when that happens and it seems to be a fairly consistent occurence in my life. I VERY often don't remember the title or artist of a song and so finding a song when you don't know the pertinent information can prove to be difficult. I can probably sing part of the song, but that doesn't mean anyone else will recognize what comes out of my mouth, because what comes from my mouth never sounds quite like the song playing in my head. This at times has proven to be a mild embarrassment, especially when looking to others for assistance in song finding. Oh well...I can laugh at myself.

On to other things on the mind. I went out for a friend's B-day last night and we went dancing. If you know me well, you know that I LOVE to dance! I don't claim to be a stellar dancer, but I can hold my own. On with the story...we went to Tequila's Nightclub to celebrate. I must say that it was skanky. I know my scale of skankiness may be different from other people's but hey...I'm writing this blog, so we'll go with my scale. It seemed the crowd was younger than other places I have danced at. It seemed just more...skankier as well. I had fun don't get me wrong. I like to dance, what more can I say. Give me a chance to dance and automatically I will have fun! I was praying lots while dancing because watching the people around me was a "Crazy like that". Every now and then a song came on with great lyrics that I could sing to God as a prayer and that was terrific. I just needed to dance and pray. I think I need to dance and pray more because places like Tequila needs it, aint no question about that. On that note...if anyone knows the song that the title lyrics belong to let me know...I think it's a Destiny's Child song.

Cravings and Addictions

2005-01-17T17:33:00.001-07:00

I am 8 days into my Detox diet for cleansing and once again have re-discovered that I am a carbohydrate junkie. I have seen some progress since my last detox, but still, I have not overcome my addiction to carbs.

The last time I cleansed or detoxed or tortured myself, as I like to call it, was about a year ago and my first day was rough. I had some serious carb cravings to the point where I was thinking, "Just give me some damn chips or fries!". I was having a grumpy day as a result of dealing with my withdrawal symptoms. As soon as I got home that day I fried a potato to a crisp and that was that, but it wasn't bread and cereal.

This time around, I am doing much better. I still have cravings, but they are muted. I pray that the other more insidious cravings and addictions in my life will be muted and eventually just go away. Namely the things that feed pride, the addiction I have to myself. Sherry, get outta the way! More of Jesus and less of me. That's all folks.

Detoxifying

2005-01-12T01:04:00.000-07:00

I have just started the Wild Rose Detox program. I must admit that it is with some reluctance that I submit myself to such things as this. I have to abstain from eating so many things that I love! It is distinctively painful to be in my own home and have my roomie bake a chocolate cake, which smells absolutely divine, and know that I am unable to enjoys it's pleasures. It doesn't help that we have random goodies floating around the house as well.

For dinner tonight we enjoyed a black bean and rice casserole. It's an odd recipe. It has eggs and rice and black beans and tomato sauce...it IS tasty though. It looks funny, but tastes good.

I noted today with disdain, that my sense of smell becomes heightened while I detox. Paul opened a bag of corn chips and I could smell them like I have never smelled anything before. It was an intense smell that caused my stomach to growl and once the bag was finished the smell lingered to torment me.

You gotta love detoxes. It takes discipline, which I am not the best at, but am obviously working on. That would be another blog entirely of it's own, which I might just write up tomorrow since it is supposed to blizzard most of the night, and I think I may spend most of the day at home rather than risk frostbite or a car accident.

Well, I meant to be in bed an hour ago, so off I go!

Auspicious beginnings

2005-01-06T23:33:00.000-07:00

I just have to say that I really, really like the way 2005 has started. It has had an auspicious beginning.

I flew in New Year's Eve to party with the Epic gang down at the Jupiter and we had a blast. We did pack it in a little early in my humble opinion. It was a fun filled evening nonetheless. January 1st was a day all unto itself (of course it was, how could it not be a day unto itself, but I am trying to build up to what a great day it was).

It all started with a great sleep in. I believe that I rolled out of bed around 11 am and lolled around like a sloth for a while. You know what that's like. Take a shower and stay in and stand under the falling water until you feel like you are going to fall asleep standing up and you're wishing you drew a bath instead. Then you lounge around like a cat in your bathrobe and sit in front of the window that has the most sun shining in. Maybe eat something sugary and leave your bowl on the floor because you can. At some point you decide to get dressed because you have nothing else you have to do. Nothing but relax and welcome in a new year that comes in carry nothing but potential in with it. It has not brought with it yet any disappointments, frustrations, pain, broken dreams and the such. It has thus far brought nothing but hope.

It gets even better. I went over to Abby and Nat's place with some other friends and we were going to hang out, play games, eat food and relax. We played games from 4 in the afternoon until about midnight. We played the funniest, most hilarious game of Cranium I have ever played! Have you ever tried to act out 'REPRODUCE' ? Yep. All I have to say is that there was a lot of laughter, sore stomachs, maybe some tears and it was definitely hard to breathe for a bit. I love laughing like that. Uncontrollable laughter has got to be one of the funnest things to do. I wish more things were funny like that. Maybe things are funny like that and I am just too boring to notice. It sure makes everything else after that seem funny too.

To end the first day of the year we took some time to pray with each other and for each other and for ourselves and let God re-ignite us yet again for another year. We prayed to die to self, way, way, less or me and way, way, more of God; we prayed to see miracles and then prayed that we wouldn't doubt; we prayed for loved ones, we prayed for people we don't even know in Southeast Asia. We prayed that we would know the heart of God for this world and feel the heart of God for this world.

It is going to be a great year!

Why only Now?

2004-12-16T16:42:00.000-07:00

I wonder why we (as the general population), only seem to feel motivated towards generosity and giving during the Christmas season. As the season approaches you hear more and more about upcoming food drives and food banks and the such. Why don't we do this all year around? Do people only need our help, love, compassion and generosity once a year?

I realize that I have just made a generalization in saying what I have said, but it does often seem that this is true. Or maybe it's just that we only HEAR about it during the Christmas PUSH. I know a lot of things happen behind the scenes all year around, but I think we should hear about that too, and be motivated to be involved all year around, not just at Christmas time. Life doesn't get easier just because the seasons change.

New Name

2004-12-01T22:56:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many people would notice, but I changed the name of my blog to reflect the state of life I am in. It is missing the accents, but it is a Hebrew word and part of the definition is right underneath. I am in a waiting phase.

As I have been reading and doing a tad of studying about waiting, I have come to conclude that waiting has many different looks. Sometimes waiting is being quiet, sitting by yourself in a room away from all distractions and waiting to hear God's voice. Other times I believe that it is a time of preparation. Look at the parable of the virgins in Luke. They were waiting for the bridegroom to appear and some were preparing for his arrival and others "checked out" and took a nap.

As I spoke with a friend today, we were speaking of times of transition and both felt like right now (where we are), is a time of transition for many people, most definitely for me. In this time God is positioning his people for what he has in store. We however, have a choice: we can prepare ourselves for whatever we've been positioned for(even if we don't know what that is), or we can sit back and check out. I think I will wait and prepare.

Cidade de Deus

2004-11-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

City of God, an infamous favela of Rio de Janiero, a slum city. I watched the movie City of God last night and it was so disturbing! The movie is based on a true story that spanned the late 60's, 70's and early 80's. It was everything that you can imagine what living in hell would be like. Death, killing, drugs, poverty, fear, rape, war... The most upsetting thing about it was that it was a war of youth and children. Kids had guns and killed each other. Young men thought honour and prestige were associated with their first kill. Aaaahhhhh!! I read an article on the movie last night too and a journalist said this about the movie and real life situation:

Foreign audiences may well have found City of God’s violence stomach-churning, particularly that involving very young children, but the reality today, 30 years after the film was set, is far worse. Drug gangs are now better organised and armed, and child recruitment is more common. Nearly 3,000 people are shot dead each year in Rio, where 11,000 young men are thought to be involved in armed drug gangs. About half of these are estimated to be under 18 and handle weaponry such as assault rifles, ground-to-air rocket-launchers and grenades.

I don't even know what else to say about it, except that it made me cry out to God for a group of people in a place that seems so devoid of God. God is there, they just can't see him. Jesus reveal yourself in Cidade de Deus.

wogging, jogging and running

2004-11-26T15:06:00.000-07:00

Well I have started running again. It's been a while. To be absolutely realistic, you would call my "running", jogging.

I am quite proud of myself, I have ran 3 times so far this week. The first run felt sketchy, the second not too bad and the last one I joined a friend and I felt like an out of shape geek.

We arranged to meet to go for our run, and I did forwarn him that it would be more like a jog so he would not have any crazy running expectations of me. When we were chatting and stretching before we ran, he non-chalantly commented on a past marathon he'd run. Actually, it was 2 marathons he'd run in the past. Well for me, a returnee to running after a long remission, I was hesitant to run with him. What if I embarrassed myself by my lack of endurance? What if my jog is more like a waste of time to him? Aaahhhh the fun and joys of comparison. He's more fit, his legs are longer....blah, blah, blah. It was really about the company. The run was a bonus to me. Running is way more fun when you have someone to talk to and keep your mind off how painful it is to get back into shape.

My advice...if you are just getting back into running, go with someone who is more fit than you. If they still want to run with you after a lame jog, they enjoy your company. PLUS...they can talk the whole time and all you have to do is listen. Maybe ask a few questions to keep them chatting. Funny thing was that at the beginning of the run, he kept asking me questions and I was having a hard time answering in between breaths. Oh...so funny!

Give me another month of consistent running and I might just like running again. And to my running pal, I hope you enjoyed your wog!

"Marathoning is just another form of insanity"-- 1952 Boston Marathon winner John J. Kelley

Busy and Rushed...and sometimes tired

2004-11-20T01:35:00.000-07:00

It's funny that when I am not busy and don't have a million things on my agenda, I wish to be busy. Who in the world wants to be busy?! Today I was busy and rushed, and I can't tell you how many times I uttered profanity. I was impatient as I drove, impatient as plowed my way through Ikea and I have to say, that I don't like the person I become when I am busy and rushed. Is that why the world is full of a bunch of jerks like I was today? Because everyone is busy and rushed? We really do need to learn to slow down, relax and learn how to wait well, learn how to deal with things out of our own control and just breathe. Maybe we should take siestas in the middle of the day too, then tired wouldn't have to be added to busy and rushed.
Despite myself, today ended well.

Shut Down

2004-11-15T14:53:00.000-07:00

do you ever feel like every direction you turn you get shut down? I am beginning to know the feeling. I stand here before God saying over and over that I am available and I pick something up and it gets taken away. I get shut down. It's frustrating, but at the same time I can see that God is teaching me things...(I hope i'm not too daft to get it all!). I have realized that my pride is hurt everytime I don't get to do something and then I think, if I wasn't prideful, my pride couldn't be hurt. God please deal with my pride.

As well...I'm just not good at waiting. It's hard to wait when you feel like you should be doing something. Even harder when you think that the people around you think you should be doing something. I could very easily do lots of things, but I know I would be doing them simply to distract myself from waiting before God and letting him work out things in me and teach me.

My friend Corey said just last night (as we had a planning meeting), that I needed to be protected! I was a bit surprised by her saying that and asked what I needed to be protected from. As she went on to explain, I completely agreed with her. She said I would do everything that came my way and do an good job at it all, but basically in the end, it would keep me from what I was meant to do. I just wish I knew what I was meant to do, because at this point as things keep getting taken away from me, I'm feeling that must not be capable of anything. oh the lies! It gets so tiresome to keep combatting the lies, but so essential. I know God has a destiny for me and I can feel it in me, wanting to burst out and BE!! At the same time, I know the NOW part is to wait and let God unfold and reveal the beauty and exciting things he's planned for me to do. Ah the joy and frustration of working it all out. When do I get to be me?...whoever that is.

No Brainer

2004-11-08T23:03:00.000-07:00

I feel like whenever I write here I am supposed to be profound. Well...I say to the trash with that idea! So this entry is a no brainer. I simply haven't posted for a while and wanted to. I did discover a recent comment from the last user of this blog site...sherrysherry.blogpot.com. Funny thing is I never imagined that someone else would come up with the same creative and unique name that I would. Maybe I will have some fun random readers as a result.

Aaaaah. Did I tell you that I shared the message at church a week ago? I did. And once I was finished I was happy to be done, having shared what the Creator put on my heart to share. The scary thing is now I feel like there is more he wants me to say and teach. Eeek! I will get over my nervousness. My sermon or talk, whatever you want to call it, was about Comparison and how when we do compare ourselves to others...we end up with an ungodly perspective of self and others. I think my last blog ranted about this a bit. Anyhow, what was funny was a lot of my nervousness came from comparing myself to others who I think are better speakers than me. As well fearing that everyone who was listening would compare me to the other speakers and come to the same conclusion that I had come to...that they were better and I was worse. God please help me.

I spoke with my Dad on the phone recently(it was his 53rd Birthday) and he gave me a run down on obedience. Now I think I want to study obedience. I also want to study about heaven. My curiousity about heaven is big. I don't know when it started, but I know that when I read this novel by a guy named Randy Alcorn, he described Heaven in a way I had never thought of and it made sense. So now...Heaven is on the study list.

I've been thinking about the early disciples and how at the beginning of the church in Acts, they were all basically together. Then the Holy Spirit came and they had a teacher, counsellor, etc. They were equipped and all that and then totally dispersed. For some reason I keep thinking that me and all the people here in my community are in a time of equipping and a time of dispersal is coming. I wonder where I will be...the Morley Reserve? Sometimes I really want to be there and spend more and more time in the community. Maybe have a home there that is a safe place for people to come and hang out and be loved and built up and have fun. But after thinking about all the crap that goes on...I mean I know, I grew up on a reserve and at one point of my life made a vow that I would never live on a reserve again. I had to take that back and say to God I would go anywhere, even back to the reserve again. Don't get me wrong, it's not as bad as this is making it sound at the moment, but it's stuck and it's messy and political. Sometimes it's better to be in the mess than to walk away and pretend it doesn't exist though.

Okay to totally change the subject once again, I think I would like to learn french. I don't think it will be too too difficult since I did take french for 5 years in school. Hopefully it won't be too hard, because I also want to learn Spanish, Portuguese, Halq'mey:lem and Stoney. Yeah. They say that learning another language helps improve your memory.

Thoughts on some stuff

2004-10-25T14:58:00.000-06:00

I was reading a friend's blog and he made a comment that ran along a familiar vein of thinking among a number of people I have been talking to. It had to do with those we would view as being the "spiritually elite" in the church today and feeling as if church was really geared for them as opposed to the rest of the normal church population. I think this is a train of thought that the enemy must take great pleasure in perpetuating and making some people feel like crap and others like they are ahead of the game.

I was thinking about what was said about the church being geared for the so-called spiritually elite and I wonder is it really? Or is it our own funny perceptions that tell us that? I have felt the same way on and off, but found that the times when I feel as you do now, that it is because I am at that moment comparing myself, my "spirituality" to others and I think that I am lacking and I think that others think I am lacking and the end results in me feeling left out in some way. I think it has something to do with our own definitions of the word spiritual as well. We, as the church have at times resorted to the definition of 'spiritual' as being active in some sort of publicly seen spiritual giftedness. This opposed to seeing that since we are created as both physical and SPIRITUAL beings, that our entire life, every moment of everyday is spiritual because we are spiritual. But we often go by what we can see, what we define as "evidence" that we are in fact spiritual...does so and so hear God? do they dream dreams, see visions, speak in tongues, manifest God in some way?? We have given higher value to things in comparison to others. The work of the enemy to cause dissent and strife among God's people. Compare yourselves to one another and find yourself to be better than some and not the equal of others. Neither of these a Godly perspective of self. Nor Godly perspective of others. These are the things I have been thinking about lately. That's enough of my rant. Love to hear back from you on this.

Standing here until you make me move

2004-10-16T09:51:00.000-06:00

It's a saturday morning and yet again, for the 6th morning that I have woken up since coming back from Europe, I wonder what my life is going to be.

I was talking with a friend about what Pete said at the 24-7 conference I was at, about not making any major life decisions for at least 3 weeks after coming home. Why? because you'd be overwhelmed spiritually and emotionally from the trip. We all laughed, but now that I am home, I am laughing and I am wondering. I wonder how crazy would it be to make some decisions now! I mean, I feel like I would be more willing to do ANYTHING God wanted me to do. I feel open and vulnerable. I feel flexible, movable and raring to GO. It would be pretty crazy to just jump up and say, "HEY! I 've decided to move to Portugal, learn Portuguese and do 24-7 stuff there!". At the same time if God really wanted me to do that I would, no matter how much it would freak the heck outta me, because I would be leaving all that is familiar to me.

Right now when I think about it though, I think it is the comfortable and familiar things that keep us rooted to one spot a lot of the time. Of course fear of the unknown and what it holds roots us to the spot too. We want to be secure and that too keeps us in one spot, because when you start moving into the unknown, you don't know that it holds security (according to the world's definition). Right now I don't feel so rooted. I feel that I would be okay right now with selling all my stuff and moving to somewhere and learning a new language. I am young and single and I don't have a house or a family or a dog...why not go now?!?

I was talking with a friend of mine about people in the ancient past and how they were definitely more nomadic than we and we also talked about how the Great Commission had the great statement..." GO...". Maybe being a nomadic, gypsy, 24-7 missionary is what's in store for me. I don't know. Who knows. Thank goodness God knows and I will stand here until he makes me move.